Steady Eddie?

Come on, now Alberta! Steady Eddie?

We can do better for nicknames than that, can't we? I mean, he hasn't done anything yet, and he's already Steady Eddie? We didn't call Ralph Klein "Shiny Kleiny" or something dumbass like that when he first came in, so why does Ed Stelmach get so much cred so fast?

I challenge citizens around the world to come up with something that didn't get off the nickname short bus. Or I challenge Albertans to wait until he does something first before we go around acting like he's our old High School buddy.

Steady Eddie... What if he gets Parkinson's? Steady Eddie... What if he gets an inner ear infection and starts falling down a lot?

Then we'll certainly look like a right jolly bunch of sots for jumping the gun like this.

Details, Details.

Dear 104.9,

I have to listen to your radio station for the Christmas season. It's always playing xmas tunes, and that's what's suitable for my store.

I tried tuning into your station for a couple of days in late November, but the seasonal music hadn't started yet... But, of course, your music was acceptable for the store, so I kept it on anyway. I know this really doesn't matter at all, but I noticed something pretty major within the first few moments of listening: I don't think your DJs are particularily fond of music.

It's pretty basic stuff: A nice woman's voice tells us something along the lines of "And now, the Andrews Sisters", and you start playing "Mr. Sandman" by the Chordettes. The Chordettes! Just because some ladies are singing doesn't mean that you're automatically playing the Andrews Sisters... I mean, the song wasn't even from the same era, and the Chordettes really, really don't sound like the Andrews Sisters apart from they are female, and they sing in unison/harmony.

Totally unreasonable rant, I know, but even the casual music listener that likes the music of the 50's would have noticed... Oh, and so far as that "we play music that would never embarass you" promo you run? I get it. No swearing, yelling, or speaking of booties, bitches, jelly, humps, lovely lady lumps, pimps, hos, sweater muffins, or... uh... ass cleavage... So as to not damage the delicate creampuffy insides of a shielded listener's life.

However, it is reasonable to believe that a 15-year old listener might get very embarassed if their parent/guardian was playing your radio station in the car while giving his/her friends a ride to school and decided to crank up the Celine Dion/Michael Bolton to extreme levels and say "Hey! This is that song you love so much, isn't it?".

Yep. Leaving one of your listeners embarassed.

But keep up the good work with the christmas tunes.

Na na na na na na na na CATscan!!

See what I did there? What with the Batman thingy in the title?... ah, forget it.

Anyhow, it's that time again when I have a bizarre medical scare. If it ain't throwing up and heaving, it's falling down and seizing for me.

Well, not a seizure necessarily, but something of that nature. To make a long story short, my buddy watched me pitch myself to the floor and twitch around for a while, so I went to the doctor and the doctor said,

"NO MORE MONKEYS JUMPING ON THE BED!"

Uh, I mean, he referred me to the University Hospital for a CT scan, or CAT scan, or whatever you medical-types think it's real name is. Eggheads.

So I go to the hospital, and here's a little hint I want to pass along to the genius who put up the signs: If the area is called "Radiology", then put up a sign that says "Radiology", not whatever the hell the sign said. Something like "Pictured Result Scanning and Related Fields" doesn't really help Joe Lunchbox here.

I must say, I actually enjoyed the ride on the ol' CT Machine: First, they make you lay perfectly still for roughly 2 minutes, to build anticipation... I guess. Then, the table starts to move up and down, back and forth, and a big mama cylinder with lights reminiscent of "Batteries Not Included" (you know, the little UFO-like Aliens that help old people movie) spin around your head, taking pictures of your thinker...

If I don't hear back from the Doc, that's good. But I'm not too worried.

If you haven't seen "Batteries Not Included", you really should. I find movies that were made like this one before CGI was considered good enough make for a much more enjoyable viewing experience. Because you're like, whoa, that was done nicely, instead of whoa, that was good CGI.

It took us 2 years to animate the fur so it looked natural... Well, maybe you should have used puppets then... or humans in mascot-like uniforms. Because you're never getting those two years of your life back.

Truckload of Kryptonite

There comes a time in every superhero's life where their powers fade. Either that, or there is something causing it to slip, either a physical, real thing, or something more psychological.

Lately, I feel a little like the Lady Lovin' Lynx has lost his Soul Finger.

But it's cool, I'm sure it's totally in my head... Or... OR!!!... I bet there is some supervillian out there, maybe his name is Erik Von ElevatorMusik, and he's playing a particularily crappy cover of "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang, maybe some sort of Casiotone version with the damn thing set to mandolin, like some sort of freaky, alien jackhammer pounding out the feel-not-so-good melody.

Celeleleleleleabratatatatate ggggoooododod timimes cccc'comomomon!

And if I can muster up some power, maybe I can get him to stop... I just need to remember that I'm still funktastic...

And thus, Triple L will rise again.

It's a Mad World

Some people give me a rough time about my Tears for Fears album.

They're like, "Dude, why would you have something so hopelessy 80's and cheesy in your otherwise acceptable music collection? Why deviate from the path of awesomeness?"

I object. That album is awesome.

And I'm glad that the glowing miracle that is television is proving my point yet again...

There's that commercial (for a video game, "Gears of War"), you know the one. A dude looking like a GI Joe on steriods is running through barren, war-torn streets. He's passing bodies, debris, and the obligatory children's toy...

GI Juice-monkey enters an abandoned, shattered building. Hiding in the dark: A gigantic, robotic spider. Our hapless soldier spews machine gun bullets from his phallus, only to be (possibly) dramatically defeated by four sharp mechanical legs...

Now, the score to this commercial should be obvious. It should be "Random Metal" by "Studio Musicians pretending to be a Band". Or perhaps it would be "Dramatic Cheaply-Purchased Rights to Orchestra kind-of sounding like John Williams"... But nay. It is a haunting rendition of Roland Orzabal's classic Tears for Fears song "Mad World" as interpreted by Michael Andrews and Gary Jules, also heard in "Donnie Darko" and at the top of the UK charts in 2003.

Everybody wants to rule the world, and Tears for Fears, you once did. And you still rule a portion of my heart.

Skeletons in the Pencil Cup

It's funny when a holiday passes, and we are left with it's remnants.

A lot of the pencils here have skeletons on them, and the skeletons are frantically waving bats away from their faces. And a geeky ghost is flying around with the bats, seemingly oblivous. Or the skeletons are dancing, and the bats are swarming in to watch their mad skills. And the aforementioned ghost is still without a care. He is smiling.

How do you really know how a skeleton is feeling? They all seem to have the same expression on their faces. Unless they are the types you hang up in an elementary school. Those kinds are smiling, and they usually have eyeballs.

But alas, a true skeleton cannot smile. It can simply stay motionless, or bleach if exposed to sunlight. Or if it is hooked up to a sort-of animatronics device, it can squeal and spew delicious puns.

Anyway, what was I getting at?

Oh yeah, Halloween is over, man... Like, over a week ago. Time to throw those pencils into the fire, or donate them to a Poor Goth Charity.

I'm sure they could always use more pencils.

And Now, a Dialogue from Blackbyrd Myoozik

David: I want to get something something in your cabinet.

Clerk: What do you want?

David: Oh, just something in that cabinet in that corner...

Clerk: Yeah. But WHAT?

David: (surprised) Uh... The Killers Box Set...

Clerk: Okay then.

Mr. Clerk, you proved to myself and my friend that you are definitely jaded and cool. Good on ya. That's the spirit. I love your record boutique. Keep on making people feel like pieces of rotting vegetables in a downtown dumpster, that's the way to success.

But I guess I keep coming back. And you probably made fun of my friend for his $50 purchase... I mean come on, the Killers? They are so totally not Indie...

But from the interviews I've read, they are complete assholes, so you might have something in common with them!

Burn.

When I Was Your Age

I can't believe that there is a 45 minute wait at a chain restaurant.

I mean sure, it's good food, the chefs are trained in Italy, and I like Moretti Beer (very mild, yet refreshing), but 45 minutes? I shoulda gone to some local eatery, or, uh, got some Bertoli...

Anywhoo, that's not really my point. My real point is this: If your child is over 4'11" tall, they are NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE ANYTHING RESEMBLING A SIPPY CUP in a restaurant!!

Yeah, yeah, I know what you're going to say. What if she's one of those allergy/bubble kids who needs this sippycupesque liquid to stay alive? What if she's just getting over her parents divorce and needs this cup as a security blanket? What if somebody died in her life and this is the cup they treasured, or the cup was the last gift to her?

Meh.

It still looked dumb.

Time to Play The Game

Okay brothers and sisters.

It's high time that I started bringing my "A" Game to the show again. For the last few months (really, since the beginning of the season), I feel like I've been performing at a solid "C" level.

I know that's not good enough.

But it's tough... It doesn't seem to matter how many years I do improv (14, for those who haven't see my bio), I always hit a spell where I'm not really clicking like I should, and I feel like appologizing to the audience for that.

Unfortunately, I usually am. You can tell in my body language and facial expressions that I'm improvising as well as being "sorry for being shitty", which doesn't help the audience, the cast members, the higher-ups, or me.

So it doesn't matter if I perform or not tonight, I just want you (my 4 readers, that is) to know that from this day forward, I'll envision myself as an unforgiving SUPASTAR... Understanding all the time that being modest whilst projecting that is a delicate balance.

And at the same time as being more confident, I'll be more relaxed. I'll do the warm-ups that I know will get me out of my head, and stop questioning or even subtly mocking my artform.

Kind of a strange read today, I know, but I have to get that off my chest.

Uh... yeah, nothing really funny or insightful in all that... so... uh... CRAYZEE MONKEYS!!! WHEEE!!!

Crazy monkeys can be funny.... Now, for something insightful... Uh... If god created the world, who created god???.... TRIIIIPY... WHOA!!!

Shawn out.

And Now, A Letter.

Dear Sloan,

(Boys, your concert reminded me of a challenging date with an intelligent and beautiful girl. So, I will write this letter as if you were one.)

I must say, you were radiant the other night. You were charming, smooth, and your charisma filled the room. I felt like I was at home with you, and you really swept me off my feet. However, I was left wondering if the earlier part of the evening was intentional or just some excruciating mistake that you wished never happened.

I arrived at our meeting place a little early, and I know, that's a little desparate for a second date. I'm sorry, I just can't help myself. You told me to be there by 8:00, so I was there by 7:30, and I knew you wouldn't be there until at least 9:30 or 10:00.

Boy, was I wrong.

It's cool to be fashionably late, but I was really worried about you. 9:30 came, but it wasn't you. You told me you'd have a friend come along, so I wasn't upset... But I thought your friend would be there earlier, and then it would leave more time for the two of us. Yoko Casiono is lovely, but I just wanted to see you sooner.

So myself and Yoko were hanging out for a while, but I really started to get worried when she left and you still weren't there. I mean, sure, it's okay, but it was already 10:45 by then.

I started drinking. It's not your fault, I just got bored. I wanted to stay on par with you, and I didn't want to get up to relieve myself in the middle of our date... It was a terribly, awfully long line that I waited in to get my drink, and many people were getting upset.

Next time, let's meet somewhere else.

So 11:30 came and we finally connected. Wow. I really enjoyed myself, but for the last 30 minutes of our date, I really had to pee. Sorry for running off on you like that, but I had to go something fierce. I had to settle for looking at you from across the room for the last few minutes of our date, because I could not get back in the lounge, but I did wave goodbye. Because our date ran so late (it was after 1 am) there were no buses running and no cabs to be found.

I walked almost all the way home that night, Sloan. And it was cold. You should have offered me a ride or a parka... Or maybe you should have come to our date a little earlier.

But I can't stay mad at you, Sloan. I just can't. I spent more money on you that day, and I even spent more today.

Let's make our third date a little more magical... I await your return.

With Love,

Shawn Pallier
Edmonton, AB

Deceprachaun?

Okay, so I had this great idea for a halloween costume.

I was going to be an unknown Decepticon (none of these well known characters to the left here) known as "DECEPRACHAUN!!"

The basic idea is he would be an Irish-labour built transformer, and he would be part Leprechaun, part decepticon.

But you probably guessed that already.

Fortunately, many Leprechaun costume pieces were available to me. Unfortunately, no Transformer stuff was to be found.

And thus, a mere Leprechaun I will be, but a bonny one indeed!

Confounding Confusing Conservatives

Yo, check this out.

I get a memo in the mail saying that the Conservatives want to increase funding by $50 million to the arts, and that the NDP and Liberals voted against it.

Huh?

I can only imagine the real conversation went something like this:

"Alright, pitiful house!! This is HAR-POR, Your almighty leader. I would like to pass a bill that will make KICKING PUPPIES MANDATORY. Bwahhh-hahaha!!! And I want to tag on a $50 million dollar increase to the Canada Council for the Arts to give you Liberals a major headache as to whether this bill should be passed or not! Eahahahaaa!!!"

So naturally, the so-called Left would have to vote against it. I mean, kicking puppies? But the Conservatives got it passed somehow, and they only told us about the Art thing and not the abusing baby animals thing.

And that's how I see it.

An Important Message About Diet Soda

And the important message is this:

Don't try to get that cool geyser of aspartamey goodness with a Mentos that has a coated shell.

According to the boys at Mythbusters, only the original, non-coated Mentos work for the awesomeness that is a "diet pop cascade".

True, this may be old news for most of us, but I just want to make sure everyone out there knows that it only takes a minute to go down to your local corner store, buy a pack of Mentos and a two-litre of pop to impress your friends, relatives, and strangers... but I don't want anyone to make the mistake of buying anything but the white mints.

Green? No Go.

White? Big Show.

Got it? Good.

Thanks once again, Mythbusters, for bringing us the news that our moms would certainly believe would take our eyes out.

Hey, I wonder what would happen if I put a penny in there...

Check out some music:

Artist of the Day (in the blog section)

You Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'?

Got to be startin' somethin.

So I've decided that I'm going to use my "myspace" page for a training ground in music journalism.

The idea is, I will start with my ol' friend Robby Suter (lead guitar and vocals for Motive Unknown). I'll click on his profile, and pick a band to summarize from his list. I'd profile him, but his band isn't quite ready to go yet. It's still in the recruitment phase.

Then, I'll click on a band from the list of the band I profiled first. It'll be a little journey down the path of music using Myspace.

Should be fun. Yay. However, that means the whole "song of the day" thing that I do will be moved to the blog section of:

http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Okay then. Peach. I mean, Peace.

PS- I am well aware of the irony that I just said in my last post that I wanted to be an actor, yet now I'm talking about music journalism... A man can be both, can't he?

Dream On

My dream? To be a professional actor.

Now, it's my literal dreams.

I don't dream a heck of a lot about performing. I don't really dream about acting often enough to give it much thought. But lately, the last few nights, acting has been flooding my head.

I had a dream several nights ago that everyone had gone to an opening night party for one of my co-actor's shows. It was also the opening night of a play I had written and directed, and for some reason, my show and his party were in the same building. Everyone was cool about it and wanted to come see my show...

A couple of nights later, I was a voice talent for a cartoon. I was in a studio, and the work was long, but satisfying...

Then, just last night, I had a dream I was at a debut screening of a Hollywood-budget RFT movie, starring everyone including myself. I had a small role, but it was a role with lines, which was awesome...

It's funny that I dream within reason like that. I mean, I know it's a long shot that I'll write and direct my own show soon, or that RFT would get a Hollywood budget to produce a film, but I still feel that these "dreams" are within reach. Possible.

I think that's cool. Sometimes, it's easy to forget just how lucky we are in Edmonton to be absolutely flooded with talent that has the potential to do some huge things. It's just the motivation hurdle that most of us have to jump.

Now, who wants to help me make a HOLLYWOOD BUDGET MOVIE STARRING, WRITTEN, AND DIRECTED BY MEEEE!!! WHOOO!!!

I like to dream big, too.

Song of the Day: "Flying High Again" by Sloan. Only 1 1/2 minutes long, still cool.

A Duck-Dodgy Subject

If there is one thing the internet has taught me and beat into my head, it is this:

People are freaky, yo.

I have the bonus feature of knowing how people got to "The Generalizer". I know just what keywords they typed in. For Example:

"Shawn Pallier"
"Thegeneralizer"
"Shawn Pallier is hot"
"Nude Shawn Pallier"
"Dancing Shawn Pallier"
"I Hate that 'tard Shawn Pallier"

etc.

However, quite often, people stumble across the Generalizer looking for entirely different subjects than my musings. I definitely will not share them all here, but I just have to share the most recent one. It came from Sweden... Linkoping, to be exact.

"Sexy Marvin the Martian and Duck Dodgers".

Now, searching for "Marvin the Martian and Duck Dodgers"?. Fine. I did once write about them. However, it wasn't a very sexy article... And hey, I shouldn't judge folks. If a picture of Marvin the Martian with lipstick and fishnet stockings is what does it for you, then I salute your uniqueness.

Swedes. Gotta love 'em.

Song of the Day: "Waiting for Slow Songs" by Sloan. All this loving of Sloan songs has reminded me that I haven't received my tickets in the mail yet...

You Look Down, Care for a Sausage?

A quote:

"Nobody cares more about commercials than the Palliers."
A. Lupul, 2006

Quite true. There's just something about advertising on radio and television that captivates me. I remember a lot about the paid plugs I see, and I never forget certain moments. Unfortunately, it's usually the shitty stuff that sticks in my brain like a tumor.

Here are the top three moments from recent commercial history (according to me):

1. "Jim Sokolove". I can barely hold it together when this guy comes on the boob tube. First off dude, your name sounds like "Sock o' love", which brings up all sorts of visuals, from bad porno to bad teenage habits... Second, you get some of the most asinine comments from unbelievably stereotyped actors pretending to be "winners" in your court cases- Exhibit A: The guy with the Buckwheatesque hair that says he "got the money Mama deserved". Holy shit, dude. Capital R racist.

2. "Carl's Jr.". In this parody of an anti-smoking commercial, a guy makes it sound like he's in trouble for all the meat-smoking that he's been doing. So he's quit. He proudly states he'll now let "Carl's Jr. smoke his sausage".

I'm sorry. I'm a very immature man. So that makes me pee myself with laughter.

3. "Public Service Announcement, School Funding". A guy approches a young lady, she cheerfully greets him. He says to her "you seem down". She says she totally feels down about not having enough books for her classroom, and that kids in other schools have to sit on the floor... Um, bummer... But the part that sticks out the most is that this 18 year old girl is supposed to be a school teacher, the 20 year old guy is supposed to be her colleague, and the script SPECIFICALLY STATES THAT SHE "LOOKS DOWN"!" So why, oh why can we not do a second take where she is a little on the glum side instead of cheery? Bah. ACT HARDER!

And this concludes my recent feelings on, uh, liminal messages. Yes, liminal.

Song of the Day: "Last Time in Love" by Sloan. I'm sure some of you have figured out the reason why I choose a Sloan song every day is because I'm going to the concert on October 28. I'm happy. And "Last Time in Love" has a classic Pop song appeal that shows the true genius that Sloan collectively is.

Radio With Comic Timing

So I'm listening to the news on the radio a couple of days ago. They mention a story about a boy and sports.

You see, the boy in the story is autistic. He plays on a baseball team. His coach isn't terribly fond of the way he plays baseball. The coach is a pussy, so instead of teaching the boy some better fundamentals, he gets a different boy on his team to throw a baseball at the autistic boy's head to hopefully injure him so that he can't play baseball any more... Or at least so he won't play that day.

Immediately following that news story, a commercial.

It was a little boy's voice, talking about how much he liked sports, and how (inexplicably) McDonald's has something to do with that. And the kicker: A sports-style organ solo playing the "ba-ba-ba-ba-ba... I'm lovin' it" music.

Do-do-do-doot-da-do! Charge(s laid)!!

Song of the Day: "People of the Sky" by Sloan. Ba-ba-bada-baaa!

Sam I Ain't.

I noticed Sonic 102.9, Edmonton's modern rock station (for you out-of-towners who might not know about it) is running a contest in which listeners must name famous people who have the first name "Sam" based on a series of clues.

Only one problem: The last character they were looking for wasn't named Sam.

The clues were this: Funny laugh, chases a "wascaly wabbit", and is from California. So my guess is Elmer Fudd, except for that baffling California part...

However, the answer was Yosemite Sam. Oh, I get it. He's from Yosemite.

Great Horny Toads.

I know, we who listen to the station are supposed to be too cool to know the difference. We're supposed to be so busy primping our shaggy coifs and buying vinyl from Blackbyrd to care about the subtle nuances of Looney Toons. But hey, I care about both... Not that I have much to coif or money to spend at a place where the employees won't acknowledge you if you were Lou frickin' Reed. Sorry Blackbyrd. I'm mad at Sonic, not you.

Well, not mad at Sonic. That's going too far. I just want to chase them with two cartoonishly large guns and shoot at their feet.

Dance.

Song of the Day: "I Am The Cancer" by Sloan. Now that's some fuzzy guitars boys.

It's that time Again When the Trees Imitate My Head

Yes, I noticed all the leaves are off the trees surrounding my yard... And that mine are the only trees with no leaves. All my neighbour's trees? They have the mystical colours of autumn still hanging from their boughs.

My trees? They look like a moody set from a Vincent Price movie.

I think I was never meant to be a good yard-keeper. I've got somebody's Tim Horton's garbage on there from last winter... I just keep running it over with the lawnmower... WHOO!! Look at that paper fly!!!

I've got the previous residents' garbage under the steps. I could probably get it out of there, but I'm a little afraid it's a human head, or a head of lettuce. Either way, ew.

I've got the dandiest collection of weeds, and the way I keep my coniferous trees pruned? I run over the long ends with (yep, you guessed it) the lawnmower... YeeHAW!! Look at those pine needles fly!!!

Oh trees, I'm sorry for making you prematurely bald. At least I'm no longer alone.

Song of the Day: "Suppose They Close The Door" by Sloan. They took two songs and spliced them together for this. Unless you have the live version. Then they didn't.

Acting? Brilliant?

The time has come.

I've been putting off trying to do some theatre outside of theatresports for close to 3 years now. It's just too easy to not put in the work and find other things to do.

Like drinking, for one. Or taking up time-consuming hobbies...

But I found myself reading a copy of "Angels in America" today, and desire welled up inside me like some sort of Japanese Movie Monster from the pavement of Tokyo.

It feels like cheating, reading words on a page and saying them back the same way they appear. But then I remembered that it really has nothing to do with the what the words say, it's how the words are delivered.

And remembering all that makes me come alive. I'm going to be doing a little acting workshop, and I think I'll use a scene from "Angels in America". I want to see how we can handle this material, what with our comic leanings.

Let's do this thing.

Song of the Day: "I'm Not Through With You Yet" by Sloan. Leave it up to the boys to finish their album Navy Blue with a song that not only implied many years remained in them, but actually felt like that in the music too... Geah, I'm gettting too flowery today with this entry. Here, let's lighten the poetics for a moment...

Monkey!!! Knife!!! Fight!!!

Y Kant I Listen to Tori? Or Kan I?

By the way, the opening title is an ubergeek reference to Tori Amos' original album, Y Kant Tori Read. Oh yeah, I'm a know-it-all like that.

I wonder if womyn such as Tori Amos and Ani DiFranco would be okay with the fact that I have some of their music. I don't have a full Ani DiFranco album, but I do have a full Tori one, and I hope that they want men to listen to their music.

Sometimes, I feel like it sure the hell wasn't written for my ears... But it's neat stuff. I mean, who else would cover Eminem like Tori does? WhEEEeeeee.... look at mama...

Evil shit, man. Chilling, sweet.

I'm sure neither of them like to be referred to as "feminists". I think the term is considered to be very yesterday. Like, totally 1998. Yep.

What I'm saying in an extreme round-about way is this: I like their shit. It's good.

That's okay with them, right?

Song of the Day: "Bells On" by Sloan. "If you had a funeral, I'd be there with bells on". Heheh. Now that's what I call lyrics.

Link of the Day: http://www.last.fm According to this site, Tori Amos and Ani DiFranco did a duet. A re-recorded version of perhaps Tori's most famous work, "Silent All These Years". Is that true?

Claire

I was put on hold. They told me I would be speaking to Claire shortly.

Claire is an automated voice response dealy.

The machine was so busy, they put me on hold to speak to it.

*Sigh*

Song of the Day: "Who Taught You To Live Like That" by Sloan. Methinks the next 30 days or so will be Sloan songs. A month of Sloan if you will.

Link of the Day: www.oliverbot.com Talk to a robot. I did.

My Battle with Coke... A-Cola.

Friends, it's time I admit something shameful.

Despite what it does to my body, I'm addicted to Coca-Cola.

It all started when I was a young lad, and my drink of choice used to be Orange Co-Op Pop, or Orange Happy Pop. My family and relatives liked the bargain brands, and my allowance of $5 every two weeks would not allow me to buy Orange Crush.

So happily I drank my orange-flavoured beverages, not knowing the dark, soda-soaked future I would spiral into. Sometimes, during special occasions like the Bobtail Picnic (a big gathering of neighbours and friends near the town of Ponoka) I would drink several Pops in one day. Like 6 or 7... It was a sign of things to come.

The years passed, and my taste for adventure kicked in. One time, when we were ordering pizza, I remember there was a big, two-litre bottle of Coca-Cola.

I decided, "fuck orange, I want some of that stuff. I'm a big kid now".

And it started.

The family rules became lax. I noticed that there was always Coca-Cola in the fridge. Sure, sometimes it was Craigmont Cola, or Safeway Select Cola, but it all started to taste the same to me. Delicious.

Soon, I was combining Cola with Doritos. I was out of control: Cool Ranch, Nacho, Zesty Cheese, and I'm sure my breath made me irresistable to the opposite sex...

By the time I reached college, my habit was up to 3 Colas a day: Lunch, after school, and Evening. Sometimes, even more.

I continued this habit well into last year. I had been warned several times by my dentist to "curb the pop" (that's the exact phrase he used every time). But finally, I hit the end of the road.

My dentist said that if I stopped drinking Cola now, I might be able to save my teeth. You see, Cola has Phosphoric Acid in it, and that stuff is a virtual scouring pad on teeth. And wouldn't you know it? So is citric acid... The stuff in Orange Pop/juice/everything...

So here I sit, with a 100% pure juice, no-sugar-added, carbonated with "Refreshe" drink consisting mainly of Cranberry juice and grape juice, the non-citric kind-of-tasty-if-you-shut-off-your-brain flavours that are safe for me to drink.

And I still find myself missing Cola.

Link of the Day: http://www.killercoke.org Whoa, I didn't know this stuff persay... True? False? You be the judge.

Song of the Day: "Shadows Fall" by The Coral. Remember a time when all you had to say to prove that your were cool was "I'm into the Coral"? It worked in and around 2004-05. Really, it did. Give it a little listen at www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

I've Got an Idea For Your Weekend

... And it starts with your friday night. You don't have plans yet, right? Good.

Here's what www.rapidfiretheatre.com says you should do:

"The new season at THEATRESPORTS opens FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 22 at 11 PM. Same time, same place (Varscona Theatre, 10329-83 Ave), THAT date.

RFT’s CHiMPROV season begins the day after, SEPTEMBER 23, with the troupes GIANT ROBOT and YOUNG GUNS!"

So for all my buddies who always somehow find an excuse not to come (my tummy hurts, I'm tired... I'M ONLY 4!! I live in another province!), now is your chance to redeem yourselves.

The King is Dead (or he resigned, I don't remember)

So it has come to pass that King Ralph can go out undefeated.

And that pisses me off.

Okay, so a lot of my friends, relatives, and even my own bosses love him, so who cares what I think, right? Good. Then it's agreed. Everything I say from here forward should not make anyone upset, because all you Klein-lovers can have a big party knowing that you won.

And Alberta lost.

I'm not going to examine the title "King" for too long, other than it describes him perfectly: A ruler with unlimited power.

Who else would offer 10 billion (yes, billion) dollars to any person from Japan during the mad cow crisis (if they got sick from Alberta beef)? Oh yeah, but Klein supporters know that our government has a very limited budget, and that any money cut from health care, social programs, and pretty much anything to do with a cleaner environment is totally reasonable because "There Is...No...More...Money".

Our poor, poor province couldn't possibly put more money into those programs. After all, he never truly intended on shelling out during that beef thingie. That was just to prove a point. He wouldn't have to fork the money over, because nobody would get sick from the beef.

Thanks Pee Wee Herman in "Pee Wee's Big Adventure", you gave Ralph Klein an idea; putting up money that never has to be rewarded. But guess what? We probably could have done it.

But then we wouldn't have a lot of money to throw at people when we went through homeless shelters, now would we?

To get through everything he's done would make this a 10-part series.... Shutting the door on same-sex marriage, blatant descrimination on every level, problem drinking... well, maybe I shouldn't be too judgemental on that last one, but come on. He's supposed to be our Premier.

But the dream for Conservatives is soon over in Alberta. Even a new Conservative could never fill those shoes.

Bye now.

A Light Touch With Reality

Since the dawn of time, man has dreamed of traveling at the speed of light... Or at least since, like, 100 years ago and stuff.

I think it can be done.

Somebody told me recently that it was impossible. But Jiminy Cricket said "nothing's impossible", and he's got issues with lying, so I don't think he'd lie about that.

Now, here's the scoop: Attempting to get the body to travel the speed of light through any traditional/cartoonish means (super-slingshot, rocket, sitting by your mama's bum) would not be the way to go. To use an overused phrase, we must think outside the box.

We must solidify light.

If we solidified light, we could use it as our propulsion system. Simply place ourselves in it's path, and ZOOM!! It's a go.

Now, I realize the human body probably cannot withstand the breakneck, breakspine, and liquefy-eyes-speed of light. Therefore, we must invent a Human Turtle Shell, Or Hurtleshell, as I'm calling the prototype. And we'll need some goggles.

Also, we'll need some sort of vehicle to sit in on our magical journey. I'm thinking a hollowed-out shell of a DeLorean would do. It's wedge-shaped enough, and makes a cheeky reference to a certain awesome trilogy...

We would have to strengthen the DeLorean slightly with some sort of something... I don't know yet. But that's the fun of flying by the seat of your pants... Uh, I mean, seat of your modified DMC-mobile.

Now, the real question to all this creativity is way back at the beginning: How do we solidify light? I'll take suggestions, but I'm thinking liquid acrylic would do. Surely, pouring a gigantic bucket of liquid acrylic in front of a 1,000,000 watt lightbulb might have some effect, perhaps solidifying and stretching the liquid and turning it into resin as it zips across the prairies.

Okay, so technically, that wouldn't be solidifying light. Sue me.

At least I've got a plan.

Song of the Day (week): "We Don't Care" by Dan Bryk. I am really a big fan of this dude. And he put a little comment on me ol' myspace last week. Shut up. It might actually be him. Or at least I can fantasize that it was... Give it a listen: www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://www.delorean.com/ Sweet.

...And Scene. Picture me waving my hands downwards in an "end-of-scene" style... Picture the lights going down.

Yes, even though it's "scene" for the Prospect Jam, it's "go" for the new season on September 22.

It's been decided that P-Jam is gonna take a rest. Maybe it will rest for many moons. Maybe it will rest forever, and I think we should all be okay with that.

For those who are kind of pissed, don't be. I'll miss you all being in my life every Sunday, but now you can check out some of the wicked alternatives to P-Jam.

You just have to find them for yourselves... and of course, RFT still offers the best workshops in town.

I think we should have an Irish Wake for the P-Jam. For those who don't know what that is, it's a drunken party celebrating the departure of a friend. 'Twill be sweet.

Shall we name a time and place?

Thinking About Billy Van

I was flipping.

Not out, the channels.

And then I saw a familiar face.

It was Billy Van, performing on "The Hilarious House of Frightenstein". Some of you might remember this show, but mostly from it's 80's syndication on CBC. Or it's 90's run on YTV. Or it's current airings on Space TV.

Wherever you might have seen this show, one thing can be agreed on for sure: This dude is... something. Well, this dude was something. Word is he died in 2003. May he rest in peace.

I mean, he did a whole show pretty much by himself. He played practically every character. And he could barely decide what sort of show he was doing. At times, it seemed like a children's show (what with the "Pet Vet" character and "The Count" bits, with his wacky inventions). At other times, it was obviously a show for adults (with the hilarious Oracle and messed-up Grizelda).

Man if you haven't seen this show, give it a shot. Low budget fun. Music videos with Igor (played by Fishka Rais, the really freaky fat dude from cult classic "Cannibal Girls"... I believe he was calling himself Kingfish by then), Occasionally wickedly low-budget bits starring Mitch Markowitz as a wise-cracking Mosquito and a hard-to-describe bit where he played Superman revamped as "Superhippie", and here's the part that made it truly awesome:

Ready for it?

Vincent Price!

Seriously, Vincent Price was the Host/Narrator. For the most part, he just recited poetry in that delightful voice with his piercing stare...

Billy Van pressed on with his career, on every show you could possibly name that wasn't very good in the 70's and 80's. Here's an abbreviated list:

The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour
The Bobby Vinton Show
The Sonny and Cher Show (holy crap, they did it again??)
Circus
Bizarre

and of course, being a Canadian,

The Littlest Hobo.

This man had a dedication to sketch comedy unmatched in my estimation. May he continue to be re-shown on a different fledgling station for many generations to come.

Link of the Day: http://www.frightenstein.com/

Song of the Day: "Last Regrets" by Redfish. Saw them once at Urban Lounge. Very much enjoyed the show. Reminded me of Canadian Rock... Could be because they're Canadian. I added it to www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Hasseling Hasselhoff

So, I'm listening to Sonic the other morning. A fellow states something similar to this:

"One of my heroes is David Hasselhoff. Anyone who can rock Germany that hard is okay in my books."

Or something like that.

I'm like, damn. There is no way there is one scrap of truth to those rumors. I've been hearing about them since High School. People always saying that Hasselhoff is bigger than Elvis in Germany. It never made a lick of sense to me. So finally, I looked it up.

And my mouth was shut.

I guess K.I.T.T.'s bitch really did have some hits in Europe. But the legend is slightly bloated. Yeah, he's got hits, but he's like Europe's Michael Bolton... Or, perhaps more accurately, Tom Jones. It's not as if 15-year-old German teens are screaming for him to have their babies.

Their 44-year-old mothers are.

And even though many websites contest he has "great success" throughout Europe, I can't find any proof of chart positions for his albums or singles. If anyone does, post the link in the comments.

Link of the Day: http://www.esquilax.com/baywatch/ I guess Mitch made someone a little jealous...

Song of the Day: "Unity" by 311. Rap Rock pioneers, they were. When the Red Hot Chili Peppers were the only ones doing this (okay, maybe Beastie Boys too).

An Ode to the Future.

Mr. David Bakker.

That's right, I'm talking to you, Mulder 007. The rest of you, please read on. Just understand that you're sitting at the table next to us at the Elephant and Castle, bystanders for our plans of self-destruction.

Okay, they're my plans for self-destruction, David just has to agree to them.

First, we're going to order a pitcher. Something dark. A beer-flavoured beer. Let's say, considering it's their motto, a Big Rock Traditional Ale. I prefer to call it "Trad".

Then, we're going to order another pitcher. We'll ask Darlene to change the music.

Then, we're going to find a club.

Not too surprisingly, it'll be Suite 69. Yep. A good place with music from all genres and ages. Not just for 70's and 80's anymore, you are just as likely to hear "Du Hast" as you are to hear "Do the Hustle".

Then, we're going to dance. Not with each other, near each other. To something by Daft Punk. Like two peacocks fanning their feathers, but imagine that in a less drag-queen like comparison. More like... uh...

Two bulls showing off their nose rings.
Two Eagles comparing bald heads.
Two Rig Pigs comparing scars.

Then, we're going to order another pitcher. I will request "No Diggity" by Blackstreet. Because I'll be a little hammered.

I'll then order two shooters. I'll accidentally drink them both. I'll buy two more, and give them to you.

We're going to find you the sweetest, finest, most intelligent, music-savvy, soft-skinned and pouty-lipped woman there, and she's going to fall in love with you... Or she'll slap you. One or the other. We really won't care.

Because we'll be wasted.

Happy Birthday, D. Let's tear this town a new A.

Song of the Day: "No Diggity" by Blackstreet. Listen up here: www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: www.myspace.com/gallbrendan
Dedicated readers will figure out why this link is the link of the day. Go on, read about him.

Trip of the Tongue

I just realized something today.

I've been saying something totally wrong without even thinking about it for as long as I can remember.

I caught myself saying, "Hindsight is 50/50..."

Yeah. That's not so right. Actually, that's totally wrong. But it brought me to my senses about thinking before saying things. Not overthinking, but just thinking a little.

Obey impulse. Just don't be stupid. Meditate on that sonofabitch for a bit.

And take another drag.



Scene.

And I thought Fifi was just a name for a Poodle...

I went and saw "Stealing Venus".

I liked it.

It proved to me a few things I wasn't too sure of any more. My faith has been restored in my theory that an energetic performance can make for an engaging story. Sometimes, I worry that my own ideas for shows will fall flat because they involve too much chutzpah, pizzazz, and all-around rinky-tinkyness. I thought that energy might be a little old-fashioned.

This man did energy with charisma and loads of charm.

Most importantly, he told stories. True, the way he started his stories were a little base (You wanna know my story? My story?) but sometimes, that's okay.

I give it 3.5 Jazz Hands out of 5.

Then, I saw Montag, which proved to me the power of music. They kept using bizarre, distant soundclip music, trance-like in the way it repeated. It made simple stories seem abstract, and the story of lovers meeting seem ominous and dangerous. Cool.

I give it 4 Picassos out of 5. Renee drank a whole bottle of wine onstage in two swigs. I might have given it 5 had he spewed.

O Hi Yo Fringe, I spent a lot of money on you. With your Green Onion Cakes, Port Satay (which was un-satay-sfactory), Funky Pickle Pizza, Double lemon Chill, Chicken Bhoona, Scorpion Girl (how do I know her?), Balloon-swallowing man with a penis fixation, Deep fried Chocolate bars, and budding performers who either fall on their ass or rise to the top.

Amen.

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRico!!

A gentlemen has performed outside of the front of Artifacts Trading Company every Fringe for the past 5 years.

For most of us, it's felt like a few years more.

This year, he offers up an interesting mix of pan flute music, including his versions of:

- House of the Rising Sun
- Living La Vida Loca
- Amazing Grace
- Unchained Melody
- Let it Be
- Chiquitita
- Fernando (two ABBA songs! GOODY!!!)
- The Lion Sleeps Tonight

... and here comes the kickers!

- Lady in Red
- Hotel California
- Candle in the Wind

And many, many, many, many, many more.

Don't cry for me, I'm already dead.

Wait, did I say dead? I meant deaf. I stabbed my own ear drums out this morning.

Expectations that Grate

For the last 4 years, my view of "acceptable" theatre has become a lot more... keen. Discerning, perceptive, whatever you call it.

All I'm saying is that I want certain things from a theatre experience now. I want a clear story. I want an intelligent or interesting narrative. I want good acting. GOOD ACTING!! I want a satisfactory ending. I want an original.

I will spare the identity of the actors and the plays that they are in at the Fringe that I didn't really enjoy. I have nothing against the people and their productions, because most folk will enjoy them and all the reviews for their work has been four stars and such.

However, when I see actors who just really aren't into their show (it's a comedy, waka waka! Nobody cares if we care, as long as we're funny! Hiyo!), a story that's ripped off from days of yore and made "banana phone" silly, endless references to "politics" (yes, we know George Dubya is destroying the planet, and that's hilarious and not overdone at all) and a mumbly, wandering, half-baked storytelling technique, it just makes me sad.

But love is in the air for the show I don't like, so this shall be the only, slightly cryptic, maybe not cryptic enough criticism of it that will be made.

But sometimes, even a bad story or an iffy overall production can be saved by sincerely zealous cast that takes their work seriously. Or at least it would allow me to walk out after a show thinking "that just didn't speak to me" instead of "that was uninspiring".

But why are you reading this? Shouldn't you be out Fringing?...

Uh, PS- Thanks for reading.

So Two Shawns walk into a Bar...

And they have a little blogscussion about impro(v).

A little background: In June, I said the following...

"On an improv-related note, I read recently on an expert's improv blog that "most companies would never start their show with a 10-minute rookie round".

Well, I guess we're not like most companies... I don't really like the fact that he referred to the round as being the home of the "weakest" players, because I think we prove consistently that it can be the home of the most no-holds-barred, high-energy, something-else-that-can-be-separated-by-hyphens improv this side of the nuthouse."

I hope Shawn doesn't mind if I reprint his response from my June 8th post called "Dare to be the Same". I'm only doing it because I don't think anybody would see it otherwise, due to how long ago the post was made. Despite the age of the post, the comment is actually only from yesterday...

I'll just cut and paste so I don't change any of his words:

"Hey Shawn,Thanks for reading my notes about impro. I was just working with a couple of the guys from Rapid Fire while we were in Washington. Just wanted to leave a little response to your comments if I may,

Where I said "most companies would never start their show with a 10-minute rookie round". and you said that you aren't like most companies, GOOD FOR YOU! That's great to hear. MOST companies around the world that I've been to (maybe 20 or 30 by now) have this preoccupation with what they see as "SUCCESS". They think they must always make the audience laugh, that they must always weight the show with their 'quickest' and 'strongest' players BUT I think they are missing the point.

When Keith Johnstone was here at the Loose Moose and we were focused on theatresports, he always said how important it was for the feel of the show and the growth of the company to have the opening "10 minute game" of our weaker/rooky players. So Good on ya for embracing a healthier attitude than most companies.

NOW - I just have to comment as well on the terminology of "weaker" players. The term is probably not the best (Rooky is probably a better term)and it was humorous that you called it the "most no-holds-barred, high-energy, something-else-that-can-be-separated-by-hyphens improv."

There are great strengths to "NEWER" improvisers... ("Newbies, Green, beginning level, uh... young in the process improvisers) There is often a great fearlessness that senior performers admire and great passion. But... they are often 'weaker' generally or they probably would be holding down a bigger part of the show. I've seen BRILLIANT scenes done by rooky improvisers BUT the consistency isn't there yet and more often it is a weaker quality (Why aren't rooky players doing the entire show?.

I have my Weak days, you have your weak days BUT having good, consistent technique, presence and content makes us over-all stronger improvisers.

Musn't let the ego get in the way of our work. If we are weaker, so be it. It gives us somewhere to go.

In the early days, Keith and then artistic associate Dennis Cahill would create different levels of performers A - B - C and sometimes lower level performers.
Often the people who were publicly grouped as C or D players would cave in and leave the theatre with crushed egos BUT more often they would rise up and WORK WORK WORK until they could kick the ass of any 'A' player. It was a bad system and didn't last long but showed how we are affected by our 'ego' and how we HATE being categorized as "weaker" even if we were.

Strong, Weak... doesn't really matter. Just do the work to the best of your ability and trust that the artistic directors of theatre companies are doing their job and putting you into a spot in the show that supports your growth and most of all, the show itself.

All the best,
Shawn(probably will change the blog to reflect a better terminology)"
12:28 AM, August 20, 2006

I hope I didn't offend... and I'm flattered to hear from him. For the record, Shawn Kinley is a respected member of the theatre with loads of experience in mime, mask, and physical theatre. I wish him decades more of success.

Link of the Day: www.shawnkinley.com

It's time to Play the Music, It's Time to Light the Lights

Alright, the FRINGE is HERE!!!. Go see this stuff.

SCRATCH (That's Arlen and Kevin, folks).
Stage 7 (Chianti Stage... confusing because it's at Royal Canadian Legion, Strathcona: 10416 - 81 Avenue... ah, sponsorship)
Tickets Everyone: $10.00 Advance Tickets:$14.00
Upcoming Shows:
Thursday, August 17, 8:00 pm
Saturday, August 19, 1:45 pm
Wednesday, August 23, 2:30 pm
Thursday, August 24, 12:00 pm
Friday, August 25, 11:30 pm
Saturday, August 26, 6:15 pm
Sunday, August 27, 8:15 pm

THEATRESPORTS
BYOV J (Which is the Iron Horse...8101 Gateway Blvd, that train-stationy building)
Tickets General: $10.00 RFT members (must show card): $8.00
Advance Tickets: $14.00
Upcoming Shows:
Friday, August 18, 7:15 pm
Sunday, August 20, 8:45 pm
Monday, August 21, 10:00 pm
Tuesday, August 22, 10:00 pm
Wednesday, August 23, 8:45 pm
Thursday, August 24, 7:00 pm
Friday, August 25, 7:00 pm
Saturday, August 26, 5:30 pm
Sunday, August 27, 7:00 pm

DIE-NASTY: The Legendary Live Improvised Soap Opera
Stage 8, the Coca-Cola Stage... You all know it better as The Varscona Theatre: 10329 -83 Avenue.
Tickets General: $10.00 Fringe Artists with Badges: $0
Advance Tickets:$14.00
Night of Friday, August 18, 12:15 am
Night of Saturday, August 19, 12:15 am
Night of Sunday, August 20, 12:15 am
Night of Monday, August 21, 12:15 am
Night of Tuesday, August 22, 12:15 am
Night of Wednesday, August 23, 12:15 am
Night of Thursday, August 24, 12:15 am
Night of Friday, August 25, 12:15 am
Night of Saturday, August 26, 12:15 am

MONTAG (do not miss, all the way from Austria! Jacob!)
Stage 13 (Not to be confused with the rock concert) (Brian Paisley Stage) Planet ZE Design Centre, 10055 - 80 Avenue
Tickets: $10.00 Students/Austrians: $8.00
Advance Tickets: $14.00
Upcoming Shows:
Thursday, August 17, 8:00 pm
Friday, August 18, 3:30 pm
Monday, August 21, 5:00 pm
Tuesday, August 22, 2:00 pm
Wednesday, August 23, 11:30 pm
Friday, August 25, 11:30 pm
Saturday, August 26, 7:30 pm

Saturday Morning Pajama Jam
BYOV J (Iron Horse: 8101 Gateway Blvd)
Tickets Everyone: $10.00
Advance Tickets: $14.00
Upcoming Shows:
Saturday, August 19, 5:30 pm
Monday, August 21, 8:45 pm
Tuesday, August 22, 7:00 pm
Wednesday, August 23, 10:15 pm
Thursday, August 24, 8:30 pm
Friday, August 25, 5:30 pm
Sunday, August 27, 5:45 pm

Sex, CRUMBS & Rock'n'Roll
BYOV J (Iron Horse: 8101 Gateway Blvd)
Tickets Regular: $10.00 Students: $8.00
Advance Tickets:$14.00
Upcoming Shows:
Friday, August 18, 5:30 pm
Saturday, August 19, 7:00 pm
Sunday, August 20, 7:00 pm
Monday, August 21, 7:00 pm
Tuesday, August 22, 8:15 pm
Wednesday, August 23, 7:00 pm
Thursday, August 24, 10:00 pm
Saturday, August 26, 7:00 pm
Sunday, August 27, 4:00 pm

Enjoy yerselves.

Song of the Day: "2nd Gun" by Volcano, I'm Still Excited!! Really, an interesting trio. Kind of like an American Hot Hot Heat, if you will. Listen: www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://www.fringetheatreadventures.ca/
You don't think I seriously handwrote all those schedules out? Heck no! Directly copied from the official site.

Playwright of the Day: Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
- plays attempted to force society to examine its own hypocrisy
- known for his witty, insightful, and sharp commentaries on upper-class British society
- work is similar to most Victorian farces and comedies (only better), melodramatic
- plays include "The Importance of Being Earnest", "Salomé", and "A Woman of No Importance".

Most of my wording is taken from the Bedford Introduction to Drama this time.

Spontaneity: In Doses

In beginner improv, we seem to preach spontaneity.

But spontaneity can be dangerous. Let me explain.

So I'm standing in the bathroom. I'm looking at my chest in the mirror. I say to myself:

Damn. That's one long nipple hair.

Now I know nipple hair can't possibly be sexy. Especially wild, untamed nipple hair. I think to myself, I gotta cut this. That just doesn't look right. I look in the drawer for my electric razor. Oh yeah, I haven't unpacked that since the wedding I went to on Saturday... I'm getting a nasty pervo moustache from not shaving...

So anyway, I look for anything. Scissors, something that cuts. Anything!

And then I see the lighter.

Someone who's never done improv would not consider burning their nipple hair off instead of cutting it. I mean, that's quite possibly the stupidest idea I've ever had. But I had it. It was my idea.

Luckily, that little voice in the back of my head, you know, the one that says stuff like "Now now. Stop staring at that guy's hook hand" or "Whoa back, sonny. Don't you start a fight with that drag queen", that little voice kicked in. It said "Hey there, sport. Fire Bad."

Indeed.

PS-- Sorry to Arlen and Kevin. I totally didn't know you guys were going on "Hey Ma! I'm on Sonic!". I submitted the first Generalizer Sampler last week as a playlist, and Adam said "I'm on the pile", which I guess means the good pile, not the bad pile... I hope you don't think me the copy cat.

Why Shawn Hates Peaches

Yesterday, I received an e-mail from a good friend of mine; Jeremy.

We met when a young, spritely me made his way up to Fort McMurray to explore Keyano College. They had come to my High School to brag about their awesome theatre, so I signed up for their "student for the day" program.

Up I went, with a "gee willikers" expression on my face and a Transformer backpack on my back... No wait, that was the first day of kindergarten...

Up I went, with a "holy shit" expression on my face and a Transformer backpack on my back. I arrived at the Purple Palace... You heard me. Purple Palace. That's what they call their student residence up there, and with good reason. There I met Jeremy. He was my "roommate for the day". Little did I know that situation would continue for a year.

To make a long story short, Jeremy introduced me to the wonderful world of dorm life, drinking, and hurting each other for sport (by they way, the Coulter Ankle Lock is when he attempts to separate my foot from my leg... ah, good times). Oh yeah, and with drinking came Peach Schnapps...

One night, 2 years after he and I had moved on to tackle our Acting careers (Jeremy has been paid to do theatre about 10 times more than me... I'll catch up), we decided to drink and play violent video games for 8 hours straight. Jeremy has a knack for making me think that I'm invincible when I'm with him, and he knows I have a competitive spirit, so I thought if I can't beat him at theatre, I can beat him at alcoholism!

So there I was, with a full bottle of fruit brandy and manliness to prove.

I drank that sucker. I kicked it's ass within 2 hours.

And then, it kicked my ass for 18 hours.

Peach only tastes good going down, and ruins your desire for it for life if you ever get sick from it. I remember mixing it with some Butterscotch Schnapps to soften the blow. That's where drunk logic gets you.

Oh Jeremy, I know it wasn't just you that made me hate Peaches. It was also those coolers I drank at dorm parties, you know, those 2-litre plastic bottles that look ever-so-classy. And it was partially the performing artist/"musician" Peaches, who (sorry Peaches fans) has a knack for being untalented and filthy. Or it could be my hamster from Elementary school named Peaches, who died horribly of some sort of bowel disease.

It's not your fault, Jeremy. My hatred of Peaches is a rich tapestry.

Getting Over Being Right... And not Wanting to Be

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The Crumbling of Social Walls

Sometimes, I feel like the David Suzuki of the Urban Jungle.

I've been fascinated by people since I was very young. The way they move, look, and interact. I divided them into social classes; some might call these "cliques". I always make sure I know where I fit among these misunderstood creatures.

But now, the world has changed.

It all started to occur to me when I went into the local Scottish Cuisine Foodatorium, or McDonald's, as the natives call it. I noticed an intriguing member of the species that I immmediately began to classify.

Lanky.

Dressed in Bohemian plain shirt and skirt combo; Shirt beige, skirt black.

Wearing slipper-type shoes with flower accent; purely for fashion's sake. I wouldn't want to be wearing such footwear if I was walking around on Whyte Avenue... 1/8 of a millimeter of foam between me and that sidewalk?

Lisa Loebesque Glasses.

I placed this subject into the following category: "Geekus Chicus". The nerd with flair. The girl who reads books and can engage in serious conversations about both Dungeons and Dragons and Tom Waits. A girl who listens to the University radio station. A girl who has an apartment nearby with her platonic male friend.

Geekus Chicus.

But what's this? I hear a conversation she's having with her friends. And it goes a little something like this; Hit it:

"So they're going to meet us at the f*ckin' Thirsty Turtle. F*ck. Remember those f*ckin clowns on swings I used to have? F*ckin' Miranda has the same f*ckin' ones, and she has f*ckin' marionettes hanging from her f*ckin' ceiling. F*ck! I can't sleep in that f*ckin' room! Clowns creep the f*ckin' sh*t out of me!! Holy f*ck!"

Oh snap. My classification and categorization was completely off.

The times, they have changed. Battle lines are blurred in the new social circles and behaviour typical of one social circle have bled into many others. Is Geekus Chicus becoming just another Snobbus Popularis? Or has Snobbus Popularis changed it's appearance so drastically, it makes it impossible to tell one from the other?

Fascinating.

Maestro, Please Kill Me... Putu-may-out of my Misery.

So, most of you have figured out by now I love music.

But there's one CD that's got to go. Either it goes, or I go. Seriously.

At work (Artifacts Trading Co), we're having a massive sale of sorts. During this time, the owners of the store get mighty picky about what music is appropriate. You know, we don't want the customers moshing or raising da proverbial roof.

So it has come to pass that a compilation by the good folks at "Putumayo" (the world music company) called "Asian Groove" is practically the only CD we play at work now.

This was absolutely fine for the first little while. Hell, one of the tracks is remixed by Dan the Automator of Gorillaz fame. But here's the problem.

Once a day, okay, fine.

Twice a day, aha. Okay.

Three times a day? Hrumph.

Four times a day? Blarg!

Five times a day? HOOOWWWWLLLL!!

Six times a day?... SHAWN DESTROY!! CRUSH!! MAIM!! KILL!!! MRAAAAGH! EEEEEARG! BLOOOOOAAAASSHIAGOO!!!! EEEEEEeeeee... feeling weak... all Shawn's power draining from body... oooo...

Fin.

Song of the Day? Link of the Day? Playwright of the Day? I'll work that shizzle out later.

All I can think about right now is what type of screwdriver I'm going to use to shatter the laser on the CD player.

And then, Fridays were quiet...

But not for long.

That's right, improvaniacs. You'll have to wait a whole month before you see the exciting circus monkeys you call Rapid Fire Theatre. We're taking a break.

We'll all be sitting in lounge chairs, sipping hairsprayesque Martinis, wearing venetian-blind-style sunglasses, Hawaiian shirts, and shorts with drawstrings.

No, wait...

We'll all be hard at work, preparing for the Fringe, performing in the Fringe, and continuing our friddly-free workshops on Sundays.

But I'll still wear the aforementioned outfit.

Song of the Day: "The Kids are Alright" by Matthew Sweet and Susanna Hoffs. Yep, he's old, he's not hip... and I love him to pieces. Cover the Who, ya spooky Ming Tea member... And Susanna is hip I'm sure. But the Sweetster? He's just my guilty pleasure. Listen to the chap, click the following gibberish: www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: www.myspace.com/willpreville Edmonton's answer to the laid-back guitar stummin' scene. Rock on, Will.

Playwright of the Day: Shawn Pallier (1979-20??)
- Wrote a one-act play for 1996 Edmonton One-Act festival entitled "Climbing the Edifice" (he broke out his thesaurus for that one)
- Published in "Rebel Runes", Jasper Place High School's collection of writers that same year
- Style is muddled, but mostly blunt and never uses words that exceed 5 letters
- early works filled with teenage angst and stained with Coca-Cola & Dorito dust
- Collection of unfinished works exceeded 1000 in 2004
- Always knows what the soundtrack of his plays well in advance
- enjoys playing with lighting boards and sound systems

Guess What I Lost Today?

No, not that. That I lost in College.

When I started the day, my boss was already at work. He kept the whip out, cracked it all day, and I have the open wounds on my back to prove it.

When I got home, the lawn wasn't going to mow itself. Yeah, I have a lawn. No, I don't live with my parents. Yes, I am in poverty.

Around 10 pm, I decided to have a shower. You know, get the grass out and the "Red Zone" in. And that's when I noticed something missing.

When I went to wash it, it wasn't there.

I had worked my ass off.

I hope that I can sit on the couch and eat pork rinds and drink beer until I get it back.

Song of the Day: "Free Salute" by Little Barrie. I wish all music was this fresh. You must, must, must listen to it: clickity myspace: www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://www.getinsulted.com/

Playwright of the Day: Anton Chekhov (1860-1904)
- mastered the use of understatement, anticlimax, and implied emotion.
- closely identified with Stanislavski (that dude who focused on creating realistic characters through "affective memory"; you know, thinking about someone in your life that died to make you cry, and so on and so forth)
- main plays are "Uncle Vanya", "Cherry Orchard", "Seagull", and "Three Sisters".
- avoided stereotyping and instructive political messages in favor of cool comic irony.
- used a delicate fabric of hints, subtle nuances in dialogs, and precise details.
All that fancy wording was stolen directly from Wikipedia and IMDB... They say it better than I ever could (see my description of Stanislavski).

Buck Rogers is rolling in his Space Capsule...

So I'm watching the Bugs Bunny and Tweety show this morning... they show one of the late 60's/early 70's Warner Brothers shorts, and for those of us who are Looney Tunes connoiseurs, you know that those particular shorts were terrible. But I got to thinking, just what made them so terrible?

The "Looney Tune" we will examine is the "Duck Dodgers of the 24 & 1/2 Century Episode 2". You know, the one where they crash into a giant egg and discover Marvin the Martian inside (we'll discuss in a moment why that sucks). First off, the mission of "Duck Dodgers" (Daffy Duck) and his Space Cadet (Porky Pig) is to "save trillions of universes from the rack-and-pinion shortage; you know, that stuff you use to polish Yo-Yos with, the voiceover cleverly explains.

Har-dee-har-har.

First off, the average person (and child) know that rack-and-pinion has nothing to do with polishing anything. So right off the bat, the premise is stupid. Just saying dumbass things doesn't make you funny.

So our heroes are off to solve the rack-and-pinion shortage. It appears as if the planet that has the only remaining supply is a giant, egg-shaped one. Duck Dodgers denies that it even looks like an egg, until they crash into it and it cracks, and they discover Marvin the Martian and one of his wacky machines inside.

Har-dee-Har-Har.

At this point, we totally drop the story in favour of the "hilarious" interactions between Marvin and Duck Dodgers. Marvin mentions a "current event" (fuel shortage) and his solution. To solve Earth's fuel shortage problem, he'll blow up Earth. The short gets way way f'n worse at this point.

Duck Dodgers doesn't care that the world is going to get blown up. Oh yeah, and the all-important Yo Yo polish? Never mentioned again.

Out of nowhere, Marvin says "I would like you to meet my friend, Gossamer." Based on this incredibly "sexy" name, Duck Dodgers is immediately smitten with the character, who he assumes is a "space babe from one of those Sci Fi magazines".

Har-dee-fuckin-har-har.

For those of us who already know, Gossamer is a hairy monster in tennish shoes that stands about 15 feet tall. Duck Dodgers inevitably is chased by Gossamer, and Space Cadet saves the day by shaving Gossamer, who was nothing but fur and shoes anyway, he proudly states.

What the fuh? End of Cartoon?

Yep. Ya heard me. Off to solve the universe's Yo-Yo polish problem, A space Hero and his assistant run into Marvin the Martian who is about to blow up the earth. Nobody cares, so we have a side-splitting chase scene with Gossamer that ends with Gossamer being shaved into oblivion, and our heroes...uh...

I hope to god that it was some sort of time edit, and nobody would think that a story like that was worth dragging aging cartoonists out of their storage lockers.

Luckily, that short was quickly followed by a classic, 1950's "Pepe le Peu" short. Now this was a perfect example of a short story.

We open on a man painting a country road in France. He strolls casually, humming "Dinah Blow Votre Horn" (hee hee). Suddenly, a cat being chased by a dog streak around the corner. The Cat squeezes under the road-painting device, giving it a white stripe down it's back. The Dog careens into the man, spilling paint everywhere, and the cat gets away in the chaos.

We switch to Pepe le Peu, who has arrived at a nearby port as a stowaway on a boat. Pepe spots the cat running down the country road, looking very much like a skunk indeed, what with the white stripe and all. A truly hilarious sequence of chases ensues, and the cartoon reaches the conclusion of Pepe persuing love to the very last moment.

And scene.

You see, the problem with the "Duck Dodgers" story is that the writers, animators, sound people... ah hell, everyone involved was trying to re-live the 50's heyday when the Looney Tune shorts were brilliant. They were grasping at past successful characters, groping at too many plot lines, and forgetting how simplicity can, and almost always is, the secret.

Duck Dodgers: At least 3 plot lines. Pepe le Peu: Just the one.

Now, if we have all the time in the world, like at P-jam (1 and 1/2 hours to figure out several plotlines), I don't see any problem in spinning our yarns and getting them all tangled so we have something to unravel and conclude in the end.

But when you've got 5 minutes, that's not a lot of time to begin, middle and end. Hippies weren't the only thing that stunk in the 60's/70's; the cartoons were enough to break a funk-o-meter.

Song of the Day: "Maibelline" by The Head Set. It takes guts to name your song the same name as one of the most legendary Chuck Berry tunes of all time, and then make it look like you misspelled it, and then have it turn out to be an original, enjoyable song. Neat. Listen to it here: www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://myspace.com/mybrucebruce The comedian of the day, acccording to Myspace.

Playwright of the Day: Henrik Ibsen (1828-1906)
- This guy is given a lot of credit as being the "father of modern drama"
- Realistic Theatre was his game (a likeness to life, it is the perfect type of theatre to explore relationships)
This is how Wikipedia describes a Realistic Theatre play:
-Always credulous, nothing to test believability in audience
-Audience is never acknowledged
-Dialogue only, no asides, soliloquys or monologues (except when addressed to another onstage character)
-An individual represents a societal problem
-Fourth wall removed convention is strictly followed
-A linear plot with no sub-plots

Oh Hot Hot Heat, A Band and a Description of our City

For the first time since moving to the house, I slept in the basement.

My body just wasn't made for this. I think back to my French/Irish/Scottish ancestors, and I assume they spent most of their time in dark, dank pubs swigging ale and fighting.

Now it may look like my body wasn't made for fighting, but it really, really is. True, I'll never win the fight, but as my friends/relatives can attest to, I never get all that injured. I haven't been in a fight for a really long time, but I assume if one more dude mentioned how hot it was yesterday, he would have recieved a knuckle sandwich, Shawn-style.

Speaking of sandwiches, Hot Hot Heat is a mere few days away. Controller(.) Controller will be one of the opening bands. THUMP THUMP THUMP!! Rewrite your history.

Oh, and for those who manically read my blog every day and come to the Prospect Jam, it's on tonight. 7 pm... Unless you're reading this on Monday and I haven't updated. Then you missed it. I'm sorry.

Song of the Day: "History" by Controller. Controller. At least, I think there's a period after the first Controller... Not sure. Listen here: www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: www.myspace.com/the_crad_pad Apparently, Crad's new myspace home.

Playwright of the Day: Bertolt Brecht (1891-1956)
- Epic Theatre is his main game (kind of a "proletariat" form of theatre that uses it's stories, mostly re-workings of old stories, to draw parallels between the events of the play and current events, pointing out the need for political and social reforms)
-"Epic" also refers to the broadness of the topics covered and mixture of narrative and dramatic techiques
- Brecht encouraged his actors to perform "in the third person"; Their acting should comment on the characters' motivations and actions (almost all my "Playwright of the Day" information is stolen directly from Oscar G. Brockett's "History of the Theatre", in case this seems familiar to any of my acting buddies).

A Playwright a Day Keeps the Confusies Away

So around 2 weeks ago, I was watching an exellent Theatresports show. The evening was concluded with a scene done in the style of Samuel Beckett.

And my row didn't know who Samuel Beckett was.

And that's okay.

I'm going to take it upon myself to throw out the Imposter E-mail of the Day section for a much, much more loftier one: Playwright of the Day.

Not that I think that will excite anyone overly. But wouldn't that be nice one day if you were sitting in the audience and somebody said "DO A BRECHT!", and you knew what that meant?

I know that some of you do know a lot of stuff about Playwrights, so you're always allowed to add... I think it would be a good idea if more of the audience was in on more of our smarty-ness.

Let's begin.

Song of the Day: "Kenny the Jet" by Louque. Kind of cool stuff. Listen to it here: www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: www.bibleman.com We like superheros, don't we? I'm soooo conflicted...

Playwright of the Day: Samuel Beckett (1906-1989)
-absurdist (A philosophy, often translated into art forms, holding that humans exist in a meaningless, irrational universe and that any search for order by them will bring them into direct conflict with this universe-- stolen from Dictionary.com)
-writer of "Waiting for Godot" (spoiler: Godot never comes!)
-characters often in a world of disaster (human survival is threatened)
-plays deal with the metaphysical human condition
-raises questions that cannot be answered, doubts humanity

It's all about the Intro

It's been a very fun run being the "go-to" free improv host the last little while. And I don't mean a fun run for charity or {insert terminal but hilarious disease/syndrome here} (just mad lib, y'all). I mean I'm really enjoying myself.

My intro bit, although intended for one week only (RO-BOT ROCK!!!) seems to have endured. I realize that some will grow weary of it (soon or already), but as for now, it's still going strong.

I have always believed a good intro can make for a good show. I mean, let's think back on the top opening credits that you've ever witnessed. And I'm not talking movies, I'm talking TV. Here's a "Random 10" that I think are pretty damn unforgettable.

1. Get Smart
2. Spider-Man (the cartoon, of course)
3. Da Ali G Show
4. Mr. Bean (Mr. G obviously enjoyed Mr. Bean's intro so much because they're from the same country? They both seem to be descendants from a beam of light...)
5. The Simpsons
6. The Drew Carey Show (love it or hate it)
7. Kids in the Hall
8. Hockey Night in Canada
9. The People's Court (The Funk and the Congos suck me in)
10. Fawlty Towers (heheh. Always re-arranging their title and adding some extra letters. "Farty Towels". Heehee. "Twatty Flowers". hoo hoo.)

And that's the last time you see the "T" word on my blog. But hey, the British, Canadian, and American sensors all thought it was okay, so I guess I shouldn't care.

Song of the Day: "AM Slow Golden Hit" by Hotel Lights. I might have already featured this song, but I was wondering if there is a double meaning to "hit" as far as this song goes. You be the judge: www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://www.hotellights.net/ In case you like the tune.

Imposter E-mail of the Day: Gerald. He's a "prettyb" looking girl. You heard me, 25 and prettyb. He wants to get to "knaow" me better. Oh Gerald.

The Festival for Edward was a Capital Idea, Until His Ex Showed Up...

Only a few days and counting before Edmonton's new music festival, EdFest arrives.

And I wish I could be more stoked.

You see, music festivals usually are one price. You pay once, and you get to see all the bands. You can pay for a "pass" for other festivals, and that pass is usually not outrageously overpriced. From what I gather, you can buy a "pass" for EdFest, but it only entitles you for 3 nights out of 10, and it's over $100.

Buzz kill.

So I chose only one night. I just can't afford to love music as much as I used to.

Here's some lineup stuff:

Thu, July 20
Kwame & DJ Kwake
Saukrates
Divine Brown
Nelly Furtado

Fri, July 21
Damone
Mobile
The All American Rejects

Sat, July 22
Maurice
Armchair Cynics
Our Lady Peace

Sun, July 23
Murder City Sparrows
Magneta Lane
Hedley

Mon, July 24
Kyle Riabko
Wil
Creedence Clearwater Revisited

Tue, July 25
Tupelo Honey
Oliver Black
Three Days Grace

Wed, July 26
The Fall Collection
The Marble Index
Controller.Controller
Hot Hot Heat

Thu, July 27
The Novaks
The Trews
The Sam Roberts Band

Fri, July 28
Melissa McClelland
Jeremy Fisher
Stabilo
Blue Rodeo

Sat, July 29
Our Mercury
Fefe Dobson
Simple Plan

Okay, sounds good. But I can't help but wonder, what happened to that free Telus Stage show?... Omigod, it's still there. Totally bodacious. Check the free shows (with admission of course):

July 20: Roger Hodgson of Supertramp (Dreeema, you nuthin' but a dreeeeeema!)
July 21: Default (I'm wasting my tayaymuh, I'm wasting my tayaymuh!)
July 22: Kardinal Offishall (Juno award after Juno award!)
July 23: Gino Vannelli (I just wanna stop, fo yo luuuuuuuuuuve!)
July 24: The Philosopher Kings (It hurts to luuuve you!)
July 25: Carolyn Dawn Johnson and Aaron Pritchett (It's wrong to make fun of her)
July 26: Melissa O'Neil and Rex Goudie (Here Rex, good boy)
July 27: Kenny Shields & Streetheart (Someone please help me remember a Streetheart song)
July 28: Jakalope, Rocketface, and Rio Bent (Fast as Fast can be, You'll never catch me)
July 29: Trooper (We're here for a good tayime, not a long tyime)

Song of the Day: "Upside Down" by Jakalope. It was the least I could do to make her song my song of the day after making an out-of-date "America's Funniest People"/Dave Coulier joke. Sorry, Jaks. You have lots and lots of friends that want to make you a star, and most of them are already stars. Why aren't you more famous yet? Listen to her here: www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: www.capitalex.ca
You know, gotta help the local economy and such. Klondike Days were like, so 100 years ago anyway.

Imposter E-mail of the Day: Dowdy. Dowdy wants me to stop being a two-pump chump. I hate you, Dowdy.

On Weed and Weeds

So on my way to work this morning, I see 4 skaters picking weeds out from the (City of Edmonton's attempt to beautify) gravel Strathcona Parking Lot.

I couldn't help but think about how this might have all began (diddle doo, diddle doo, diddle doo... uhh, yeah, my attempt at a Wayne's World-style flashback).

Picture this: 4 young lads are on their way to their favorite bar. They think to themselves; "You know what goes good with Beer?"

One of them gets on their cell phone. Their "guy" is in the neighbourhood. Just checking to see if he's home.

They go over to his place. They pool together their money (everyone's pocket change amounts to about $4.73). They ask their "guy" if it's enough for one of his worst-rolled spliffs.

He agrees.

They leave his house. They realize that the only place they can take their "magic carpet ride" is on the street.

But Officer O'Toole has another plan for our boys.

The good Policeman spots 4 boys in a back alley. They are taking a dance with "Mary Jane". They are the "Doobie" Brothers he's been looking for all night. He has to catch at least one group a night, or his ass is on the line.

"So boys," chortles O'Toole. "You Like weed? How do you think you'll like WEEDS? Because you just bought yourselves 8 hours of community service pulling weeds for the City of Edmonton!"

That's right boys. Don't do drugs (at least not in public). The stereotypical Irish cop will make you pay with your time.

Song of the Day: "Don't Wait" by Dashboard Confessional. I'm sure they didn't mean to start their song creepily, creepily like "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer. But don't take my word for it, listen to it at this link: http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://www.myspace.com/jessecrowley Listen to the Jessmiester.

Imposter E-Mail of the Day: Floppy V. Juliana. She sell Hoodia by the seashore.

Prospect Pride

That's right, you ragamuffins.

I'm proud of your performances at the prime time show on Friday night. Let's not even talk ups, downs and analyzing scenes. Let's just bask in the moment of bliss...

...And that moment's passed.

On to other business:

Song of the Day: "I Need More Love" by Robert Randolph and the Family Band. Shake you collective asses, mofos. I command you to hear it at this link: http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://dramabug.blog-city.com/ Katie's on the net y'all.

Imposter E-mail of the Day: Pansy Fernandez. Pansy wants to sell me a doctorate... But I suggest he fight Nacho Libre instead.

10 Minutes of Fame

That's right, Prospect Jammers. You don't even get 15 minutes. Just 10.

So maybe use that time to knock our socks off and across the room.

For those who don't know, this Friday (June 7), we have a prime time show. That means we have a show that starts at 8 pm as well as a show that starts at 11 pm.

But wait, there's more.

Rapid Fire Theatre's Prospect Jammers (or the P-Jam, as we like to call it) will be taking over the rookie spot for one night only.

But wait, there's more!

It's pay-what-you-can! You can bring your Scottish Uncle finally! Woo.

Be there, or be cubed.

Song of the Day: "I Turn My Camera On" by Spoon. Come on Sonic 102.9. Play some spoon. You bunch of Modern Rock guys and gals. You know you listen to them all day in your basements. Hear it: http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: www.atom6.com
This was the original page sent by "anonymous" for comparing songs...

Imposter E-mail of the Day: Yong Bellamy. Yong would like to help me with my mortgage. Joke's on you, Bellamy. I don't have one.

Workshop? Who said it was Work?

And by that I mean damn! These kids are talented.

I did one evening of a two-day workshop with iHuman, one of Edmonton's youth theatre groups yesterday. I spent the evening going over accepting and spontaneity, because I've always felt inhibitions and thinking too hard are two of the biggest roadblocks when you're starting Improv.

They totally aced that shit.

So tonight, we'll be delving into Character development and Storytelling, because these ladies and gentlemen are more than ready.

It's fun watching people jump into things and not worry too much about what they're going to say or do. There were, of course, a couple of times that people thought they had "nothing" to offer or no ideas, but when encouraged, they had the best ideas in the room.

Put that in your doober and smoke it (yep, the doober girl is from iHuman, she contributed to what made Slovenia great... hee hee).

Song of the Day: "Eyes So Green" by Motive Unknown. My bud Robby Suter fronts the band (lead guitar, lead vocals), and I've known him since grade 5 back in 19-dickity-2. Hey, listen to it here: http://motiveunknown.ca/music.html

Link of the Day: http://www.ihuman.org/ Multitalented, yes.

Imposter E-mail of the Day: Inhumanity B. Growled. He (or she) wanted to sell me online drugs.

We Be Gettin' Down, Computer Action

Do the robotic satisfaction.

It was said that Paul McCartney waited 5 years to publish the song "Yesterday" because he thought the song was copied. He felt like he had heard the accoustic riff before... But he hadn't. Also, if he had not changed the working title, the song would have been called "Scrambled Eggs".

Good change, Sir Paul.

Regardless, I think I had an idea. But it was too well formulated, so I have to make sure with you guys that I didn't copy it (it's a computer-animated short idea):

The scene opens on an Oldsmobile. It has a Jesus Fish on the back of it. The car starts down the street, and we notice the Jesus Fish is becoming steadily looser. It finally looses all grip and starts to swing from the head portion. It drops to the street. Suddenly, it's head moves, looks around, and then it sprouts two legs and runs away, towards freedom.

I know, I know, the Darwin Fish is also on the back of cars. but that's the inspiration. But part of me thinks I've seen that scene all before... Or maybe it was somebody else's idea, and they told me...

Song of the Day: "Ceremony" by New Order. These guys will always be relevant. Hear it: http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: www.thomasirvin.com For those jonesin' for more disturbingly similar songs. Thanks, Anonymous Boy/Girl/Man/Woman/Energy Being.

NEW FEATURE: E-mail Imposter of the Day: Ronit Didonna. I check all the mail for the company I work for, and I'll post a new spam name along with every post... I especially like the fake names with middle initials, like Decided P. Testicles... Can't they try a little harder?

As the Late Owen Hart used to say...

Enough is enough, and it's time for a change (yeah, a wrestling reference. Don't make me give you a Soviet Judo Suplex).

Yes, Rapid Fire Theatre is changing, because it's a company on the move! It's only 25, hell, it could still date one of those teenager companies if it so desires... But it won't, because it is it's own entity. Nobody owns it or tells it what to do... uh, except maybe Karen or Crad... or Kevvy, or, well, a board...

Regardless, for the month of July, it looks like the change we're getting is an old school one. That's right, the return of survival of the wittiest. That's where captains are chosen at the beginning of the evening, and they choose the most rockinist, rocksteady beat of a team based on what members of the cast are actually, physically there for the evening.

Oh yeah, it gets nutsy, even heavy heavy monsterish. Anybody from any rank may appear in the first half. We're talking rookies, regulars, and even those second half-types... ONE STEP BEYOND!!!

That is, if the designated captains want to pick you... You see, it's like pickin' teams for floor hockey. Sorry dude, there's only room for 3 forwards, 2 defensemen and a goalie... But wait, in Theatresports, there's really only room for 2 forwards and 2 defensemen. We might let a 3rd forward in that mix, but it should be rare. But there are NO GOALIES in Theatresports!! That's like a safety net. We don't do no f'n safety nets at Rapid Fire Theatre.

If we fall, we break our faces, spines, and ribs.

And then we take a bow.

Song of the Day: "You Keep Me Hanging On" by Madness. This song just keeps getting covered and covered and covered. But I think this is the first Ska cover... Unless Me First and the Gimme Gimmes got a hold of it first... hear Madness here: http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://www.gimmegimmes.com/
You know, in case you've never heard of them. I think every boy or girl should briefly go through a Gimme Gimmes stage... and then feel a little bad about it afterwards. But still secretly enjoy the covers.