Yesterday, I received an e-mail from a good friend of mine; Jeremy.
We met when a young, spritely me made his way up to Fort McMurray to explore Keyano College. They had come to my High School to brag about their awesome theatre, so I signed up for their "student for the day" program.
Up I went, with a "gee willikers" expression on my face and a Transformer backpack on my back... No wait, that was the first day of kindergarten...
Up I went, with a "holy shit" expression on my face and a Transformer backpack on my back. I arrived at the Purple Palace... You heard me. Purple Palace. That's what they call their student residence up there, and with good reason. There I met Jeremy. He was my "roommate for the day". Little did I know that situation would continue for a year.
To make a long story short, Jeremy introduced me to the wonderful world of dorm life, drinking, and hurting each other for sport (by they way, the Coulter Ankle Lock is when he attempts to separate my foot from my leg... ah, good times). Oh yeah, and with drinking came Peach Schnapps...
One night, 2 years after he and I had moved on to tackle our Acting careers (Jeremy has been paid to do theatre about 10 times more than me... I'll catch up), we decided to drink and play violent video games for 8 hours straight. Jeremy has a knack for making me think that I'm invincible when I'm with him, and he knows I have a competitive spirit, so I thought if I can't beat him at theatre, I can beat him at alcoholism!
So there I was, with a full bottle of fruit brandy and manliness to prove.
I drank that sucker. I kicked it's ass within 2 hours.
And then, it kicked my ass for 18 hours.
Peach only tastes good going down, and ruins your desire for it for life if you ever get sick from it. I remember mixing it with some Butterscotch Schnapps to soften the blow. That's where drunk logic gets you.
Oh Jeremy, I know it wasn't just you that made me hate Peaches. It was also those coolers I drank at dorm parties, you know, those 2-litre plastic bottles that look ever-so-classy. And it was partially the performing artist/"musician" Peaches, who (sorry Peaches fans) has a knack for being untalented and filthy. Or it could be my hamster from Elementary school named Peaches, who died horribly of some sort of bowel disease.
It's not your fault, Jeremy. My hatred of Peaches is a rich tapestry.
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8 comments:
WHAT? There is someone else on the planet with the name Jeremey? :()
This is an outrage, im gonna call my congressman/woman. Im gonna call BETTER MIDLER, THIS WILL NOT BE TOLERATED
Im the giant robot!
I might even call "BETT" Midler, should Better Midler not be available
I used to like vodka and orange, until I learned it has a flavor which tastes exactly the same coming back out as it does going down the first time. Now everytime I taste vodka and orange I am reminded of that fact... sigh...
oh shawn you poor misguided youth!
I've sworn off of drinks that are fluorescent in colour!
Hey Shawn, don't forget it wasn't always violent video games. Remember that time we got really drunk on Rye and Ice tea while playing uno? Me neither, but I do vaguely recall trying to prevent you from heading out to Whyte Ave at 2 in the morning looking for girls.
I really love your peaches
Want to shake your tree
Lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey all the time
Ooo-eee baby, Ill sure show you a good time
Millions of peaches, peaches for me...
Millions of peaches, peaches for free... LOOK OUT!!
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