An Ode to the Future.

Mr. David Bakker.

That's right, I'm talking to you, Mulder 007. The rest of you, please read on. Just understand that you're sitting at the table next to us at the Elephant and Castle, bystanders for our plans of self-destruction.

Okay, they're my plans for self-destruction, David just has to agree to them.

First, we're going to order a pitcher. Something dark. A beer-flavoured beer. Let's say, considering it's their motto, a Big Rock Traditional Ale. I prefer to call it "Trad".

Then, we're going to order another pitcher. We'll ask Darlene to change the music.

Then, we're going to find a club.

Not too surprisingly, it'll be Suite 69. Yep. A good place with music from all genres and ages. Not just for 70's and 80's anymore, you are just as likely to hear "Du Hast" as you are to hear "Do the Hustle".

Then, we're going to dance. Not with each other, near each other. To something by Daft Punk. Like two peacocks fanning their feathers, but imagine that in a less drag-queen like comparison. More like... uh...

Two bulls showing off their nose rings.
Two Eagles comparing bald heads.
Two Rig Pigs comparing scars.

Then, we're going to order another pitcher. I will request "No Diggity" by Blackstreet. Because I'll be a little hammered.

I'll then order two shooters. I'll accidentally drink them both. I'll buy two more, and give them to you.

We're going to find you the sweetest, finest, most intelligent, music-savvy, soft-skinned and pouty-lipped woman there, and she's going to fall in love with you... Or she'll slap you. One or the other. We really won't care.

Because we'll be wasted.

Happy Birthday, D. Let's tear this town a new A.

Song of the Day: "No Diggity" by Blackstreet. Listen up here: www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: www.myspace.com/gallbrendan
Dedicated readers will figure out why this link is the link of the day. Go on, read about him.