Na na na na na na na na CATscan!!

See what I did there? What with the Batman thingy in the title?... ah, forget it.

Anyhow, it's that time again when I have a bizarre medical scare. If it ain't throwing up and heaving, it's falling down and seizing for me.

Well, not a seizure necessarily, but something of that nature. To make a long story short, my buddy watched me pitch myself to the floor and twitch around for a while, so I went to the doctor and the doctor said,

"NO MORE MONKEYS JUMPING ON THE BED!"

Uh, I mean, he referred me to the University Hospital for a CT scan, or CAT scan, or whatever you medical-types think it's real name is. Eggheads.

So I go to the hospital, and here's a little hint I want to pass along to the genius who put up the signs: If the area is called "Radiology", then put up a sign that says "Radiology", not whatever the hell the sign said. Something like "Pictured Result Scanning and Related Fields" doesn't really help Joe Lunchbox here.

I must say, I actually enjoyed the ride on the ol' CT Machine: First, they make you lay perfectly still for roughly 2 minutes, to build anticipation... I guess. Then, the table starts to move up and down, back and forth, and a big mama cylinder with lights reminiscent of "Batteries Not Included" (you know, the little UFO-like Aliens that help old people movie) spin around your head, taking pictures of your thinker...

If I don't hear back from the Doc, that's good. But I'm not too worried.

If you haven't seen "Batteries Not Included", you really should. I find movies that were made like this one before CGI was considered good enough make for a much more enjoyable viewing experience. Because you're like, whoa, that was done nicely, instead of whoa, that was good CGI.

It took us 2 years to animate the fur so it looked natural... Well, maybe you should have used puppets then... or humans in mascot-like uniforms. Because you're never getting those two years of your life back.

Truckload of Kryptonite

There comes a time in every superhero's life where their powers fade. Either that, or there is something causing it to slip, either a physical, real thing, or something more psychological.

Lately, I feel a little like the Lady Lovin' Lynx has lost his Soul Finger.

But it's cool, I'm sure it's totally in my head... Or... OR!!!... I bet there is some supervillian out there, maybe his name is Erik Von ElevatorMusik, and he's playing a particularily crappy cover of "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang, maybe some sort of Casiotone version with the damn thing set to mandolin, like some sort of freaky, alien jackhammer pounding out the feel-not-so-good melody.

Celeleleleleleabratatatatate ggggoooododod timimes cccc'comomomon!

And if I can muster up some power, maybe I can get him to stop... I just need to remember that I'm still funktastic...

And thus, Triple L will rise again.

It's a Mad World

Some people give me a rough time about my Tears for Fears album.

They're like, "Dude, why would you have something so hopelessy 80's and cheesy in your otherwise acceptable music collection? Why deviate from the path of awesomeness?"

I object. That album is awesome.

And I'm glad that the glowing miracle that is television is proving my point yet again...

There's that commercial (for a video game, "Gears of War"), you know the one. A dude looking like a GI Joe on steriods is running through barren, war-torn streets. He's passing bodies, debris, and the obligatory children's toy...

GI Juice-monkey enters an abandoned, shattered building. Hiding in the dark: A gigantic, robotic spider. Our hapless soldier spews machine gun bullets from his phallus, only to be (possibly) dramatically defeated by four sharp mechanical legs...

Now, the score to this commercial should be obvious. It should be "Random Metal" by "Studio Musicians pretending to be a Band". Or perhaps it would be "Dramatic Cheaply-Purchased Rights to Orchestra kind-of sounding like John Williams"... But nay. It is a haunting rendition of Roland Orzabal's classic Tears for Fears song "Mad World" as interpreted by Michael Andrews and Gary Jules, also heard in "Donnie Darko" and at the top of the UK charts in 2003.

Everybody wants to rule the world, and Tears for Fears, you once did. And you still rule a portion of my heart.

Skeletons in the Pencil Cup

It's funny when a holiday passes, and we are left with it's remnants.

A lot of the pencils here have skeletons on them, and the skeletons are frantically waving bats away from their faces. And a geeky ghost is flying around with the bats, seemingly oblivous. Or the skeletons are dancing, and the bats are swarming in to watch their mad skills. And the aforementioned ghost is still without a care. He is smiling.

How do you really know how a skeleton is feeling? They all seem to have the same expression on their faces. Unless they are the types you hang up in an elementary school. Those kinds are smiling, and they usually have eyeballs.

But alas, a true skeleton cannot smile. It can simply stay motionless, or bleach if exposed to sunlight. Or if it is hooked up to a sort-of animatronics device, it can squeal and spew delicious puns.

Anyway, what was I getting at?

Oh yeah, Halloween is over, man... Like, over a week ago. Time to throw those pencils into the fire, or donate them to a Poor Goth Charity.

I'm sure they could always use more pencils.

And Now, a Dialogue from Blackbyrd Myoozik

David: I want to get something something in your cabinet.

Clerk: What do you want?

David: Oh, just something in that cabinet in that corner...

Clerk: Yeah. But WHAT?

David: (surprised) Uh... The Killers Box Set...

Clerk: Okay then.

Mr. Clerk, you proved to myself and my friend that you are definitely jaded and cool. Good on ya. That's the spirit. I love your record boutique. Keep on making people feel like pieces of rotting vegetables in a downtown dumpster, that's the way to success.

But I guess I keep coming back. And you probably made fun of my friend for his $50 purchase... I mean come on, the Killers? They are so totally not Indie...

But from the interviews I've read, they are complete assholes, so you might have something in common with them!

Burn.

When I Was Your Age

I can't believe that there is a 45 minute wait at a chain restaurant.

I mean sure, it's good food, the chefs are trained in Italy, and I like Moretti Beer (very mild, yet refreshing), but 45 minutes? I shoulda gone to some local eatery, or, uh, got some Bertoli...

Anywhoo, that's not really my point. My real point is this: If your child is over 4'11" tall, they are NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE ANYTHING RESEMBLING A SIPPY CUP in a restaurant!!

Yeah, yeah, I know what you're going to say. What if she's one of those allergy/bubble kids who needs this sippycupesque liquid to stay alive? What if she's just getting over her parents divorce and needs this cup as a security blanket? What if somebody died in her life and this is the cup they treasured, or the cup was the last gift to her?

Meh.

It still looked dumb.

Time to Play The Game

Okay brothers and sisters.

It's high time that I started bringing my "A" Game to the show again. For the last few months (really, since the beginning of the season), I feel like I've been performing at a solid "C" level.

I know that's not good enough.

But it's tough... It doesn't seem to matter how many years I do improv (14, for those who haven't see my bio), I always hit a spell where I'm not really clicking like I should, and I feel like appologizing to the audience for that.

Unfortunately, I usually am. You can tell in my body language and facial expressions that I'm improvising as well as being "sorry for being shitty", which doesn't help the audience, the cast members, the higher-ups, or me.

So it doesn't matter if I perform or not tonight, I just want you (my 4 readers, that is) to know that from this day forward, I'll envision myself as an unforgiving SUPASTAR... Understanding all the time that being modest whilst projecting that is a delicate balance.

And at the same time as being more confident, I'll be more relaxed. I'll do the warm-ups that I know will get me out of my head, and stop questioning or even subtly mocking my artform.

Kind of a strange read today, I know, but I have to get that off my chest.

Uh... yeah, nothing really funny or insightful in all that... so... uh... CRAYZEE MONKEYS!!! WHEEE!!!

Crazy monkeys can be funny.... Now, for something insightful... Uh... If god created the world, who created god???.... TRIIIIPY... WHOA!!!

Shawn out.