As the Late Owen Hart used to say...

Enough is enough, and it's time for a change (yeah, a wrestling reference. Don't make me give you a Soviet Judo Suplex).

Yes, Rapid Fire Theatre is changing, because it's a company on the move! It's only 25, hell, it could still date one of those teenager companies if it so desires... But it won't, because it is it's own entity. Nobody owns it or tells it what to do... uh, except maybe Karen or Crad... or Kevvy, or, well, a board...

Regardless, for the month of July, it looks like the change we're getting is an old school one. That's right, the return of survival of the wittiest. That's where captains are chosen at the beginning of the evening, and they choose the most rockinist, rocksteady beat of a team based on what members of the cast are actually, physically there for the evening.

Oh yeah, it gets nutsy, even heavy heavy monsterish. Anybody from any rank may appear in the first half. We're talking rookies, regulars, and even those second half-types... ONE STEP BEYOND!!!

That is, if the designated captains want to pick you... You see, it's like pickin' teams for floor hockey. Sorry dude, there's only room for 3 forwards, 2 defensemen and a goalie... But wait, in Theatresports, there's really only room for 2 forwards and 2 defensemen. We might let a 3rd forward in that mix, but it should be rare. But there are NO GOALIES in Theatresports!! That's like a safety net. We don't do no f'n safety nets at Rapid Fire Theatre.

If we fall, we break our faces, spines, and ribs.

And then we take a bow.

Song of the Day: "You Keep Me Hanging On" by Madness. This song just keeps getting covered and covered and covered. But I think this is the first Ska cover... Unless Me First and the Gimme Gimmes got a hold of it first... hear Madness here: http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://www.gimmegimmes.com/
You know, in case you've never heard of them. I think every boy or girl should briefly go through a Gimme Gimmes stage... and then feel a little bad about it afterwards. But still secretly enjoy the covers.

Hippies, Drugs, and Promiscuity

I borrowed two books while I was at my Grandma's place. Luckily, she didn't ask me what the titles were.

But, as you probably guessed, one of them is called Hippies, Drugs, and Promiscuity.

And the other is called You Can Raise Decent Children.

Great mother of God and all that's holy.

The information given in these books are classic. Although I haven't been too clear so far on what the point of Hippies, Drugs, and Promiscuity is, it is somewhat clear that the author is fascinated and shocked. Why, all these children do is smoke and do the old "in-out"!

That's the interesting thing about the book. It seems as if everyone she interviews is a child. I guess we could make certain judgments on her as well... But of course, she's conservative. She would never do anything immoral or have an obsession with drug-riddled children. Why, perhaps she might "test" a drug or two just to know how awful they are, but, I mean, hey. She is a moral, upstanding citizen just doing some investigative journalist work, I'm sure.

I've really got to complete the book to figure out what the hell her point is. You might as well write a book called Nerds, Computers, and RPGs. Staring at a screen all day! "Blogging" their opinions! "Chatting" on messenger programs! Discussing Lord of the Rings! Smoking the Devil's Tobacco! Needing glass pieces framed with wire or plastic to correct their vision problems! Having an aversion to physical activity lest it be a trampoline, laser tag or paintball! PRETENDING TO BE DEMONS, ORCS, ELVES, and other BEASTS! Spending all their money on comic books! The boys not realizing until reaching their 20's that the solution to not getting any dates is to date girl nerds(realizing also at this age the nerds of the opposite sex may not be scantily-clad Snow Tiger-riding She-vikings carrying Thor's Hammer, but may be strangely sexually attractive in that Lisa Loeb kind of way)! Spawning Nerd children who start the cycle all over again!

Not that any of that is really all that bad, I'm just doing some investigative journalist stuff.

Don't get me started on You Can Raise Decent Children, a book that equates slender, attractive, physically beautiful children with everything that is good, and heavier children with acne with misbehaving and being not "decent".

What a god damn f'n joke.

It also states that "any action a child takes is a direct reaction to their parents and how they are being raised". Example: If your child is homosexual (defined in the book as a "perversion" or much, much worse), then you must have done something horrifying to them.

These books were both written in the late 60's.

Sexual revolution my ass. Now isn't it great the world is run by conservatives? Those who were impressionable young Tories when these books came out?

Song of the Day: "Not if you Were the Last Junkie on Earth" by the Dandy Warhols. Not sure if this one will appear on myspace, but I'll have something by the Dandies here: http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0028346/
At least at one time, conservatism was funny.

32, 34, 36

No, these aren't the measurements of some strangely proportioned model.

They were the temperatures at Salmon Arm while I was there.

I admit, it was silly timing that resulted in me missing the last 2 days of improvaganza, but I'm sure overwhelming attendance more than made up for my absence.

Damn it was hot, I had to apply 4 layers of SPF 30 every day. A crispy burned Irish/French/Scotsman I have been in the past, so I learned. I've been hospitalized once for the sunburns I can get. Call it bad tanning genes.

There is a beach I was able to visit while I was down there, it was called Canoe Beach, and the teenage girls ate me alive. All I was trying to do was get some sun and read a book, and there was a gaggle of them within a few yards of me... I guess they didn't think I was deaf, they just didn't care, saying stuff like:

"Oh my god! He's got hair on his chest... GROOOOSSSSSS! EEEEWWW! He's so white, oh my god, look at his gut...GROOOOOSSSS! EEEEEEEEEWWWW! What's that on his chin? Facial hair... Oh my god that's so ugly. EEEEEWWWW!"

Not that they gave me a complex.

Regardless, I'm back, Kory was brilliant in my place I'm sure. I probably should have asked Chad if he was going to be there... Meh. I'm sure he enjoyed a Kory Story or two if he was.

Song of the Day: "The Wizard Turns On The Giant Silver Flashlight And Puts on His Werewolf Moccasins" by The Flaming Lips. Delightful Instrumental boys. If I can't find it online, I'll put some other Lips song in it's place here: http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://salmonarm.ca/siteengine/activepage.asp?PageID=131
Just in case you want to see where I was.

Republika Slovenija: I'm so checking it out one day.

This is a map of Slovenia. Some of our lovely improvisers are from here. And we could all benefit from what they've shown us at Improvaganza.

Often times, natural coolness and stage presence is a rarity. A lot of improvisers struggle with it, and perhaps at times even put it on. But on the evening of June 21, I saw two improvisers who were just being themselves, and it was one of the easiest to watch shows I've ever seen... Now more than ever, I understand notes that are given to improvisers like "It was hard to watch" or "I'm uncomfortable when I see you do ____".

I don't want to delve into reviewing scenes and such (I already tagged on to JTW's comment on the dream scene at his blog: http://ilovecakelikeabrother.blogspot.com/). All I want to say is already said: I really enjoyed their charm, and their indescribable international sense of humour. I can't describe it because I've never seen it before. As you can tell, I am enamoured with their style muchly. Quite indeed muchly. Mm hm.

I will be sad to miss the last two days of Improvaganza. A window of opportunity opened up, and I am going to visit my Grandma (for regular readers, they already know she's actually my Great Auntie, but she assumed the role of Grandma for me when I was quite young; You know, the one that's going to roll down the hill to the graveyard at the back of her house when she dies... Long story. If you don't know about it, I told the story on April 10 on this blog, just check the archives).

You all have fun. Kick back and enjoy the international flava.

Karaokay? Karaexellent!

Improvaganza had a little function for all the improvisers yesterday; And I loved it.

We all packed into a tiny Afghani Restaurant and sang the night away. I did a rendition of "Mambo Number 5" for 2 beers. But I told everyone it was for 3 beers.

I said it was Metallica's cover of the song, and proceeded to sing it in the style thereof. Even I was irritated when I was done. But that didn't stop me from having fun.

The Belgians referred to me as the "Body in the trunk" for my ride home. MJ's car was a little packed, so I had to ride in the back, which was actually just the back of a wagon. Sorry MJ, I hope you don't mind me calling your car a station wagon. Maybe you prefer Mini-SUV or MPV or all that jazz.

I should really stop referring to the Belgians as "the Belgians". They have names, I know. Yann, Helga and... The feller I really like. I really think he's fun. And damn it, I can't remember his name.

Thanks for the good times, Improvaganza.

I've turned 3 years old 9 times!!

Yep. Math whizzes, that makes me 27 today.

Buy me something nice.

No shrubberies please.


Song of the Day: "Underdog World Strike" by Gogol Bordello. Thanks Lindsay. I have now listened to all the CDs you've lent me. They were educational. I can't help but think about Dexter when I hear them sing... You know, Dexter's Lab. That guy.

Link of the Day: http://www.playrps.com/ Go ahead. Play some Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Obsessed with Grass

...And I don't mean wacky tobaccy.

I want God to get my letter, and this was the only way I thought I could do it. Because God sees everything, right? No need to build a slingshot to heaven.

Dear God:

I appreciate all you have done for us. You've given us mountains, music, and sweater muffins, and I thank you for all. But I would really appreciate some help right now. I have a few things to talk to you about, and I thank you in advance for taking time out of your busy schedule to read this.

1) Rain... Please, if you could, slow down the rain. Our Improvaganza festival would like that. And so would my Basement. And so would the Ghermazian brothers, whose mall is so shoddily built, it can't handle it whatsoever. And Whitemud Drive also would like you to perhaps turn the taps off, or stop crying so much. Ralph Klein will die someday. No need to cry about it anymore... My lawn really needs to be mowed. I stare at it every day, and cannot do a thing until it is dry. I'm getting really, really crazy about it.

2) Oilers... They pray to you, I'm sure, and so do the fans. Don't listen to those North Carolinans. I hear they covet their neighbour's wives on a regular basis. And forget to keep the sabbath day holy.

3) Jobs... Please, help myself and those around me keep or get jobs. No, not that kind. God, you cad!

In closing, I always admired your work ethic and charm, and ability to get mad at the right time. I also admire the curls in your beard, and your unstained frock. Kudos to your son and all he did too. Let him know I give him the "okay" sign with my left hand and the "thumbs up" with my right.

Thank you,

Shawn Pallier
Rapid Fire Theatre

Amen.

UPDATE: 1 hour after I posted this, my Girlfriend got a call from the job she applied for, and she got it. Hallelujah. God really is out there...

Song of the Day: "Ha Ha" by the Mates of State. You know, because we're trying to make with the ha ha for the run of the festival. Listen to it here: http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://saying-what-youre-thinking.blogspot.com/ Jesse's got a new blog.

And now a word from our Lindsay.

The following is a comment on this blog from Lindsay. In case you don't read comments, I have made it into a charcoally colour and posted it in the main body. Enjoy. Oh, and read my entry below too, in case you haven't already.

"As luck would have it days after deleting our blog i found something to write about. Being as it has an improv twist i imagine Shawn will be cool with me putting it here.

Today we wrote our english 30 diploma, the topic being "self-preservation in the face of internal and external pressures" or something to that effect. As per usual they gave us some poems/extracts/pictures to "inspire" (confuse) us, in this case a Frost poem, an exerpt from Mrs. Dalloway and a picture of a guy with a marionette. From this we were supposed to glean some insight as to the nature of the topic, but, after 20 minutes i came up with nothing. I finished the essay part and came back to the creative portion. I looked up and saw my friend Anne, and remembered when we wrote a scathing letter to grad council after they rejected our submission for grad theme (Leningrad, c'mon, that's gold.) That letter, though a joke, was one of the most articulate and persuasive things i've ever written and so it dawned on me, why not write a letter and load it up with dry humour and bad puns...but what to write on...aha! puppets!

And suddenly it all started to materialize, just like an improv sketch, all the elements were there. The puppeteer was writing to the big time promoter (characters) who had just offered him an extremely lucrative contract to take his show to Vagas (situation), 'n snazz it up a bit, sign some endorsement deals etc. The puppeteer, desperate for money and living out of his station wagon (puppetry not being the most lucrative business out there)(external pressure aka audience suggestion) though deeply commited to his art form, his passion, his raison d'etre (internal pressure, up those stakes). He also took issue with the changes the promoter had proposed, not seeing a place for laser shows, can-lines ar Cher in his humble show, and feared the inevitable creative differeces (mmm stakes). As a result the humble puppeteer graciously declined the offer, prefering to remain impoverished but true to his art and himself rather than selling out. He realized he had to pull alot of strings to get him that contract (throw in a bad pun), but had to decline in order to preserve his emotional and spiritaul integrity (reincorperation of suggestion to find solution.)

My point is that improv becomes pervasive, I'm writing a test worth 50% of my english mark and all I can think while writing is "up the stakes up the stakes," Stay commited to character" "reincorperate from whats there" "incorporate the suggestion" "find an end, ooh, lame pun, that'll do." I dont know how well it worked, hopefully whoever marks it has a sense of humour/flare for the bizarre/appreciation for something that isn't a mini-essay on the role of social expectations in Mrs Dalloway."

Belgium Calling... Let's get our Sing On.

So here we are.

Improvaganza 2006.

It's time for 10 days of wine, women, men, and song... And I mean song.

It was around this time last year that the whole gang headed over to what used to be Sherlock Holmes (at least, I think that's where we went) and sang some Karaoke. Don't get me wrong, there's one hell of an improv tournament to attend, but the sideshow is also very entertaining.

For those who witnessed it, the European (world?) Balloon-sculpting champion belted out the best version of Devo's "Whip It" that I've ever heard.

Seriously, I loved it.

He belted it out in a frantic Red I Knight-meets-Jello Biafra tone unlike I've ever heard before. I wish to witness something like that again this year, so all you improv talents, I want you to find out which night we'll be going out singing, pick your favourite tune, and make it your own.

I choose George Michael's "Faith". Which I probably won't be deviating from the original too far. True, I do it every time I do Karaoke. But don't mess with a good thing. Hey, if you want to hear me try something different, I just need some ideas.

And buy me some booze. It might be my birthday when we go... Like, let's say, let's go to Karaoke somewhere on June 20th. That'll make me very happy.

And 27.

Song of the Day: "Pages of Time" by the Corduroys. Apparently, boys, I can't add it to myspace, so you'll have to go here to hear it: http://www.myspace.com/lovethecorduroys
It's the second son on their list.

Link of the Day: http://www.rapidfiretheatre.com/index.php?s=improvaganza
Seriously, it's time to watch some folks make with the ha ha.

UPDATE: Sweet Zombie Jamie

It's Alive?

Apparently, just as in my mourning of the death of Panas Envy, I speak too soon.

Rambling Jamie has shaken off the cobwebs.

http://ramblingjamie.blogspot.com

10 Scenes about the Death of Blogs in 3 Minutes.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of two blogs.

Hand-Me-Down Adventures
&
Rambling Jamie.

First, Hand-Me-Down Adventures. The musings of young improvisers and their friends. Ranging from frivolous polls to frightening essays on drugs and death. Updates were few, but memories lasted a lifetime.

Second. Rambling Jamie. We lost you too soon. So young. So innocent. Your ramblings were occasionally short, but one time very insightful. So, in a sense, it was 33% brilliant.

May you both rest in peace.

Song of the Day: "Dirty Edmonton Whore" by LEFTNUTT. And really, who other than a punk band from Edmonton would use the words "Whore" and "Edmonton" in the same sentence?
Listen to it here: http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://www.myspace.com/leftnutt You know, in case you want to hear more of their stuff.

So I was looking For My Game Genie...

... when all of a sudden, I ran across a mini-comic book from 1982.

I wanted to find my Game Genie codes for Super Mario 3, because when I'm in a mood, it's kind of nice to obliterate some Goombas and Koopas.

But hey, this comic is kinda cool. It's 24 years old, and it's set in the futuristic date of 2005. You know, the year our planet was destroyed by aliens.

Tonight, I'll bring the comic and the game it refers to. You know, so we can all geek out together.

Link of the Day: http://www.atariage.com/comics/comic_thumbs.html?MagazineID=42 ... In case you can't wait until tonight to read the thing.

Song of the Day: "Seven Nation Army" by Nostalgia 77 feat. Alice Russell.
Oh. My. Jesus.
This is the finest cover I've ever heard. Here's some of it: http://media.phonicarecords.co.uk/7806611164170_9.mp3
If you have it, please tell me. Instead of it playing on Myspace today, I'll leave Ben Folds singing "Bitches Ain't Shit" for a little while longer... http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx
Because I don't have the aforementioned rip-roarin' awesome cover yet. But it's great.

Dare to be the Same

Not that long ago, I ridiculed a friend for getting very excited that CCR was coming to Edmonton's Klondike Days... er... Capital Ex? Cap-X?... Anyway, he got very excited that CCR was coming to town.

I laughed.

I was like "CCR? Dude, that's not Creedence Clearwater Revival, that's Creedence Clearwater Revisted! They're just a cover band!"

Hahahaha...

No, wait.

Look at the picture just above this.

That's Stu Cook. Of the Creedence Clearwater Revival... and Creedence Clearwater Revisited.

And the picture above Stu? That's Doug Clifford, of CCR and CCR.

Well shut my mouth.

But what are we going to do without the dulcet tones of the Brothers Fogerty?... I sense a possible gong show. Or brilliance. I guess I'll have to go and find out.

One thing is for certain: I'm going to see Hot Hot Heat. And here's an interesting little factoid for those who are also fans of the band: They file them in the "punk" section at HMV. Not too sure why, but that's where you find them.

On an improv-related note, I read recently on an expert's improv blog that "most companies would never start their show with a 10-minute rookie round".

Well, I guess we're not like most companies... I don't really like the fact that he referred to the round as being the home of the "weakest" players, because I think we prove consistantly that it can be the home of the most no-holds-barred, high-energy, something-else-that-can-be-separated-by-hyphens improv this side of the nuthouse.

But hey, read the article for yourself:

Link of the Day:
http://www.improworldtour.com/improblog/
Interesting insight, and curious convictions. I enjoy reading it.

Song of the Day:
"Bitches Ain't Shit" by Ben Folds. Move over Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg.
Listen to it here:
http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Driving the Point Home, and to Work, and to Pick up some Eggs.

Hey.

I'm back.

Just before I left, I went over to my dad's place to pick up a cooler for my trip.

I needed somewhere to put the juice boxes, eh?

So anyway, I'm driving back, cooler in trunk, taking my time, but driving the speed limit, because somewhere along the way in my life, I decided that I'm not much of a speeder.

However, the dude next to me was.

The problem for him was that he kept hitting all the red lights. Now, Edmonton and the rest of Alberta is known for crazy drivin'. Hillbillies going 170 kph down roads marked 50. Because, dammit, we got places to go! We got milk to git! We got wimins to pick up! We got to git down to the local garage to get that muffler taken off! CAR'S TOO QUIET!

YOU HERE THAT SOUND COMIN' from my CAR?? THAT AIN'T JUST MY MOTOR RUNNIN'! THAT'S MY 12 FOOT LONG DICK FLAPPIN' IN THE WIND!

YEEEEHAWWW!!

Anywhoo, he's hitting all the red lights. So naturally, he's got to peel out at every light so that I know he's higher on the food chain. And then all of a sudden, it happens.

Karma.

He gets in front of me at the next light. Apparently, he likes me behind him (burn. Now who's your daddy?). As he goes to peel out for the 5th straight light...

SMASH!!

His plastic back window falls into several pieces as his lawnmower handles come careening out of the back of his truck.

The great part is, I doubt he could hear it or feel it happen what with all the motor-runnin' and dick-flappin' going on.

I'm not saying I'm the better man. I'm just saying... my back window is still intact.

Link of the Day: http://www.adultswim.com/games/squidbillies_floorit/index.html?showId=330849&name=Squidbillies&timezone=EST

Want to send a hillbilly squid through the windshield of a car? You have to sit through a commercial as it loads, but it's worth the wait.

Song of the Day: Pick it up, Lay it in the Cut by Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings.
This is from the first album. Just listen to how that bass line goes. Wheee.
Listen to it here: http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Countin' the Mountains

Children of the Improv, I will be departing today for Canmore.

But don't fret, I will return 'ere the sun rises on Tuesday.

In the meantime, you must find something to entertain yourselves with in my absence.

http://www.billsgames.com/mazegenerator/

There you go. The above link will make a maze for you.

Dirty Taps and Dirty Limos

Hey.

I'm hung over like all get out.

I picked up my car on the way to work.

It was at the bar.

Taught a workshop for kids last night (age range: preteen to adult- so I guess "kids" is a little general). They were understanding all the games waaay to fast... and then I found out that some were Citadel kids. Er, adults... Homosapiens.

Saw a limousine with a makeshift trailer (made of black wood, cart-style) attached this morning. It also had a custom (poorly made) roofrack. It was beat up a little, and the windshield was cracked.

Awesome.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some gravol and Ginger Ale with my name on it.

Song of the Day: "San Diego" by the Starlight Mints. Used to like this band a lot, and still do a little. Come and listen to it at http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://profile.myspace.com/744055
Senor Cardgage's profile... so cool...
For those of you who don't know who he is... http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail92.html