Generally Unfastened.

July 6, 2007 was my last day with a company called General Fasteners Ltd.

I was an Order Picker for them, which means this: I drive around a warehouse on a forklifty-type thing, and I get the items that customer needs. I learned how to drive a Pacer (traditional-looking forklift, but the kind you stand in), a Reach Truck (modified stand-up forklift that can "reach" forward with it's forks), and a picker (the forks come off the back, and you put a skid there, and you load 'er up). Sounds easy, right?

Well, yes and no.

You see, most customers don't want a whole skid of stuff. So when you pull up to the product you're supposed to pick in the warehouse, you have to take the items down without the help of a machine. That's right. I used those big, burly arms of mine to lift 50 to 120 pound boxes and coils of steel.

But come on, how many people order coils of steel, right?

Oh, about 10 companies a day. Usually they order 1200 pounds or so, but sometimes it's only just over 100.

On Friday, June 29th, I couldn't stand, sit or lie down because I'm an idiot. I felt the back pain coming on, but I didn't do anything about it.

It's a helpless feeling, laying in a pool of sweat, not having the slightest ability to move. But it got me in a reflective mood. Laying there, I tried to make a top 10 list of things that should have gotten me disciplined, but didn't, because they understood that I wasn't much of a warehouse dude...

1. I hit the rack over by the Packaging material so hard, I bent the metal and broke the plastic hood of the picker.

2. I backed into the loading dock door and put a dent in it (by the way David, that's the door that has broken twice since I arrived. Hee hee).

3. I tried to load 1200 pounds of steel by putting one fork under the stack of coils and balancing it over to the truck (It almost fell).

4. I tried to load 1200 pounds of steel the right way and it did fall.

5. I dropped a roll of packaging tape and then ran over it... for about 30 feet.

6. I dropped a case of Industrial Adhesive from at least 30 feet up in the air.

7. I contracted dyslexia and often picked the wrong product from the wrong area, and once picked 48" cardboard instead of 84" cardboard (that's a big difference).

8. I clipped the rack with my forks on my second last day, taking off the paint and nearly the fork.

9. Sometimes, I did some pretty dangerous shit, only to realize I'd forgotten to do up my safety harness... Like the very last item I picked on my very last day. Top shelf (which is roughly the height of the second floor of an office building) backwards and 2 feet away, I wobbled over to two heavy boxes, nearly tripped, and then on the way back saw that I wasn't clipped to my picker at all... oops.

10. I nearly killed a customer when I got worried I was going to hit something, so I accelerated towards him at top speed, stopping short of his shins by about 4 centimeters.

Yes. Not much of a warehouse dude at all. I'll be starting at Van Leeuwen Pipe and Tube on Monday. Back to being a Salesman for me. It's what a manly man like me was designed to do.