It's time to Play the Music, It's Time to Light the Lights

Alright, the FRINGE is HERE!!!. Go see this stuff.

SCRATCH (That's Arlen and Kevin, folks).
Stage 7 (Chianti Stage... confusing because it's at Royal Canadian Legion, Strathcona: 10416 - 81 Avenue... ah, sponsorship)
Tickets Everyone: $10.00 Advance Tickets:$14.00
Upcoming Shows:
Thursday, August 17, 8:00 pm
Saturday, August 19, 1:45 pm
Wednesday, August 23, 2:30 pm
Thursday, August 24, 12:00 pm
Friday, August 25, 11:30 pm
Saturday, August 26, 6:15 pm
Sunday, August 27, 8:15 pm

THEATRESPORTS
BYOV J (Which is the Iron Horse...8101 Gateway Blvd, that train-stationy building)
Tickets General: $10.00 RFT members (must show card): $8.00
Advance Tickets: $14.00
Upcoming Shows:
Friday, August 18, 7:15 pm
Sunday, August 20, 8:45 pm
Monday, August 21, 10:00 pm
Tuesday, August 22, 10:00 pm
Wednesday, August 23, 8:45 pm
Thursday, August 24, 7:00 pm
Friday, August 25, 7:00 pm
Saturday, August 26, 5:30 pm
Sunday, August 27, 7:00 pm

DIE-NASTY: The Legendary Live Improvised Soap Opera
Stage 8, the Coca-Cola Stage... You all know it better as The Varscona Theatre: 10329 -83 Avenue.
Tickets General: $10.00 Fringe Artists with Badges: $0
Advance Tickets:$14.00
Night of Friday, August 18, 12:15 am
Night of Saturday, August 19, 12:15 am
Night of Sunday, August 20, 12:15 am
Night of Monday, August 21, 12:15 am
Night of Tuesday, August 22, 12:15 am
Night of Wednesday, August 23, 12:15 am
Night of Thursday, August 24, 12:15 am
Night of Friday, August 25, 12:15 am
Night of Saturday, August 26, 12:15 am

MONTAG (do not miss, all the way from Austria! Jacob!)
Stage 13 (Not to be confused with the rock concert) (Brian Paisley Stage) Planet ZE Design Centre, 10055 - 80 Avenue
Tickets: $10.00 Students/Austrians: $8.00
Advance Tickets: $14.00
Upcoming Shows:
Thursday, August 17, 8:00 pm
Friday, August 18, 3:30 pm
Monday, August 21, 5:00 pm
Tuesday, August 22, 2:00 pm
Wednesday, August 23, 11:30 pm
Friday, August 25, 11:30 pm
Saturday, August 26, 7:30 pm

Saturday Morning Pajama Jam
BYOV J (Iron Horse: 8101 Gateway Blvd)
Tickets Everyone: $10.00
Advance Tickets: $14.00
Upcoming Shows:
Saturday, August 19, 5:30 pm
Monday, August 21, 8:45 pm
Tuesday, August 22, 7:00 pm
Wednesday, August 23, 10:15 pm
Thursday, August 24, 8:30 pm
Friday, August 25, 5:30 pm
Sunday, August 27, 5:45 pm

Sex, CRUMBS & Rock'n'Roll
BYOV J (Iron Horse: 8101 Gateway Blvd)
Tickets Regular: $10.00 Students: $8.00
Advance Tickets:$14.00
Upcoming Shows:
Friday, August 18, 5:30 pm
Saturday, August 19, 7:00 pm
Sunday, August 20, 7:00 pm
Monday, August 21, 7:00 pm
Tuesday, August 22, 8:15 pm
Wednesday, August 23, 7:00 pm
Thursday, August 24, 10:00 pm
Saturday, August 26, 7:00 pm
Sunday, August 27, 4:00 pm

Enjoy yerselves.

Song of the Day: "2nd Gun" by Volcano, I'm Still Excited!! Really, an interesting trio. Kind of like an American Hot Hot Heat, if you will. Listen: www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://www.fringetheatreadventures.ca/
You don't think I seriously handwrote all those schedules out? Heck no! Directly copied from the official site.

Playwright of the Day: Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
- plays attempted to force society to examine its own hypocrisy
- known for his witty, insightful, and sharp commentaries on upper-class British society
- work is similar to most Victorian farces and comedies (only better), melodramatic
- plays include "The Importance of Being Earnest", "Salomé", and "A Woman of No Importance".

Most of my wording is taken from the Bedford Introduction to Drama this time.

Spontaneity: In Doses

In beginner improv, we seem to preach spontaneity.

But spontaneity can be dangerous. Let me explain.

So I'm standing in the bathroom. I'm looking at my chest in the mirror. I say to myself:

Damn. That's one long nipple hair.

Now I know nipple hair can't possibly be sexy. Especially wild, untamed nipple hair. I think to myself, I gotta cut this. That just doesn't look right. I look in the drawer for my electric razor. Oh yeah, I haven't unpacked that since the wedding I went to on Saturday... I'm getting a nasty pervo moustache from not shaving...

So anyway, I look for anything. Scissors, something that cuts. Anything!

And then I see the lighter.

Someone who's never done improv would not consider burning their nipple hair off instead of cutting it. I mean, that's quite possibly the stupidest idea I've ever had. But I had it. It was my idea.

Luckily, that little voice in the back of my head, you know, the one that says stuff like "Now now. Stop staring at that guy's hook hand" or "Whoa back, sonny. Don't you start a fight with that drag queen", that little voice kicked in. It said "Hey there, sport. Fire Bad."

Indeed.

PS-- Sorry to Arlen and Kevin. I totally didn't know you guys were going on "Hey Ma! I'm on Sonic!". I submitted the first Generalizer Sampler last week as a playlist, and Adam said "I'm on the pile", which I guess means the good pile, not the bad pile... I hope you don't think me the copy cat.

Why Shawn Hates Peaches

Yesterday, I received an e-mail from a good friend of mine; Jeremy.

We met when a young, spritely me made his way up to Fort McMurray to explore Keyano College. They had come to my High School to brag about their awesome theatre, so I signed up for their "student for the day" program.

Up I went, with a "gee willikers" expression on my face and a Transformer backpack on my back... No wait, that was the first day of kindergarten...

Up I went, with a "holy shit" expression on my face and a Transformer backpack on my back. I arrived at the Purple Palace... You heard me. Purple Palace. That's what they call their student residence up there, and with good reason. There I met Jeremy. He was my "roommate for the day". Little did I know that situation would continue for a year.

To make a long story short, Jeremy introduced me to the wonderful world of dorm life, drinking, and hurting each other for sport (by they way, the Coulter Ankle Lock is when he attempts to separate my foot from my leg... ah, good times). Oh yeah, and with drinking came Peach Schnapps...

One night, 2 years after he and I had moved on to tackle our Acting careers (Jeremy has been paid to do theatre about 10 times more than me... I'll catch up), we decided to drink and play violent video games for 8 hours straight. Jeremy has a knack for making me think that I'm invincible when I'm with him, and he knows I have a competitive spirit, so I thought if I can't beat him at theatre, I can beat him at alcoholism!

So there I was, with a full bottle of fruit brandy and manliness to prove.

I drank that sucker. I kicked it's ass within 2 hours.

And then, it kicked my ass for 18 hours.

Peach only tastes good going down, and ruins your desire for it for life if you ever get sick from it. I remember mixing it with some Butterscotch Schnapps to soften the blow. That's where drunk logic gets you.

Oh Jeremy, I know it wasn't just you that made me hate Peaches. It was also those coolers I drank at dorm parties, you know, those 2-litre plastic bottles that look ever-so-classy. And it was partially the performing artist/"musician" Peaches, who (sorry Peaches fans) has a knack for being untalented and filthy. Or it could be my hamster from Elementary school named Peaches, who died horribly of some sort of bowel disease.

It's not your fault, Jeremy. My hatred of Peaches is a rich tapestry.

Getting Over Being Right... And not Wanting to Be

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The Crumbling of Social Walls

Sometimes, I feel like the David Suzuki of the Urban Jungle.

I've been fascinated by people since I was very young. The way they move, look, and interact. I divided them into social classes; some might call these "cliques". I always make sure I know where I fit among these misunderstood creatures.

But now, the world has changed.

It all started to occur to me when I went into the local Scottish Cuisine Foodatorium, or McDonald's, as the natives call it. I noticed an intriguing member of the species that I immmediately began to classify.

Lanky.

Dressed in Bohemian plain shirt and skirt combo; Shirt beige, skirt black.

Wearing slipper-type shoes with flower accent; purely for fashion's sake. I wouldn't want to be wearing such footwear if I was walking around on Whyte Avenue... 1/8 of a millimeter of foam between me and that sidewalk?

Lisa Loebesque Glasses.

I placed this subject into the following category: "Geekus Chicus". The nerd with flair. The girl who reads books and can engage in serious conversations about both Dungeons and Dragons and Tom Waits. A girl who listens to the University radio station. A girl who has an apartment nearby with her platonic male friend.

Geekus Chicus.

But what's this? I hear a conversation she's having with her friends. And it goes a little something like this; Hit it:

"So they're going to meet us at the f*ckin' Thirsty Turtle. F*ck. Remember those f*ckin clowns on swings I used to have? F*ckin' Miranda has the same f*ckin' ones, and she has f*ckin' marionettes hanging from her f*ckin' ceiling. F*ck! I can't sleep in that f*ckin' room! Clowns creep the f*ckin' sh*t out of me!! Holy f*ck!"

Oh snap. My classification and categorization was completely off.

The times, they have changed. Battle lines are blurred in the new social circles and behaviour typical of one social circle have bled into many others. Is Geekus Chicus becoming just another Snobbus Popularis? Or has Snobbus Popularis changed it's appearance so drastically, it makes it impossible to tell one from the other?

Fascinating.

Maestro, Please Kill Me... Putu-may-out of my Misery.

So, most of you have figured out by now I love music.

But there's one CD that's got to go. Either it goes, or I go. Seriously.

At work (Artifacts Trading Co), we're having a massive sale of sorts. During this time, the owners of the store get mighty picky about what music is appropriate. You know, we don't want the customers moshing or raising da proverbial roof.

So it has come to pass that a compilation by the good folks at "Putumayo" (the world music company) called "Asian Groove" is practically the only CD we play at work now.

This was absolutely fine for the first little while. Hell, one of the tracks is remixed by Dan the Automator of Gorillaz fame. But here's the problem.

Once a day, okay, fine.

Twice a day, aha. Okay.

Three times a day? Hrumph.

Four times a day? Blarg!

Five times a day? HOOOWWWWLLLL!!

Six times a day?... SHAWN DESTROY!! CRUSH!! MAIM!! KILL!!! MRAAAAGH! EEEEEARG! BLOOOOOAAAASSHIAGOO!!!! EEEEEEeeeee... feeling weak... all Shawn's power draining from body... oooo...

Fin.

Song of the Day? Link of the Day? Playwright of the Day? I'll work that shizzle out later.

All I can think about right now is what type of screwdriver I'm going to use to shatter the laser on the CD player.

And then, Fridays were quiet...

But not for long.

That's right, improvaniacs. You'll have to wait a whole month before you see the exciting circus monkeys you call Rapid Fire Theatre. We're taking a break.

We'll all be sitting in lounge chairs, sipping hairsprayesque Martinis, wearing venetian-blind-style sunglasses, Hawaiian shirts, and shorts with drawstrings.

No, wait...

We'll all be hard at work, preparing for the Fringe, performing in the Fringe, and continuing our friddly-free workshops on Sundays.

But I'll still wear the aforementioned outfit.

Song of the Day: "The Kids are Alright" by Matthew Sweet and Susanna Hoffs. Yep, he's old, he's not hip... and I love him to pieces. Cover the Who, ya spooky Ming Tea member... And Susanna is hip I'm sure. But the Sweetster? He's just my guilty pleasure. Listen to the chap, click the following gibberish: www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: www.myspace.com/willpreville Edmonton's answer to the laid-back guitar stummin' scene. Rock on, Will.

Playwright of the Day: Shawn Pallier (1979-20??)
- Wrote a one-act play for 1996 Edmonton One-Act festival entitled "Climbing the Edifice" (he broke out his thesaurus for that one)
- Published in "Rebel Runes", Jasper Place High School's collection of writers that same year
- Style is muddled, but mostly blunt and never uses words that exceed 5 letters
- early works filled with teenage angst and stained with Coca-Cola & Dorito dust
- Collection of unfinished works exceeded 1000 in 2004
- Always knows what the soundtrack of his plays well in advance
- enjoys playing with lighting boards and sound systems

Guess What I Lost Today?

No, not that. That I lost in College.

When I started the day, my boss was already at work. He kept the whip out, cracked it all day, and I have the open wounds on my back to prove it.

When I got home, the lawn wasn't going to mow itself. Yeah, I have a lawn. No, I don't live with my parents. Yes, I am in poverty.

Around 10 pm, I decided to have a shower. You know, get the grass out and the "Red Zone" in. And that's when I noticed something missing.

When I went to wash it, it wasn't there.

I had worked my ass off.

I hope that I can sit on the couch and eat pork rinds and drink beer until I get it back.

Song of the Day: "Free Salute" by Little Barrie. I wish all music was this fresh. You must, must, must listen to it: clickity myspace: www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://www.getinsulted.com/

Playwright of the Day: Anton Chekhov (1860-1904)
- mastered the use of understatement, anticlimax, and implied emotion.
- closely identified with Stanislavski (that dude who focused on creating realistic characters through "affective memory"; you know, thinking about someone in your life that died to make you cry, and so on and so forth)
- main plays are "Uncle Vanya", "Cherry Orchard", "Seagull", and "Three Sisters".
- avoided stereotyping and instructive political messages in favor of cool comic irony.
- used a delicate fabric of hints, subtle nuances in dialogs, and precise details.
All that fancy wording was stolen directly from Wikipedia and IMDB... They say it better than I ever could (see my description of Stanislavski).

Buck Rogers is rolling in his Space Capsule...

So I'm watching the Bugs Bunny and Tweety show this morning... they show one of the late 60's/early 70's Warner Brothers shorts, and for those of us who are Looney Tunes connoiseurs, you know that those particular shorts were terrible. But I got to thinking, just what made them so terrible?

The "Looney Tune" we will examine is the "Duck Dodgers of the 24 & 1/2 Century Episode 2". You know, the one where they crash into a giant egg and discover Marvin the Martian inside (we'll discuss in a moment why that sucks). First off, the mission of "Duck Dodgers" (Daffy Duck) and his Space Cadet (Porky Pig) is to "save trillions of universes from the rack-and-pinion shortage; you know, that stuff you use to polish Yo-Yos with, the voiceover cleverly explains.

Har-dee-har-har.

First off, the average person (and child) know that rack-and-pinion has nothing to do with polishing anything. So right off the bat, the premise is stupid. Just saying dumbass things doesn't make you funny.

So our heroes are off to solve the rack-and-pinion shortage. It appears as if the planet that has the only remaining supply is a giant, egg-shaped one. Duck Dodgers denies that it even looks like an egg, until they crash into it and it cracks, and they discover Marvin the Martian and one of his wacky machines inside.

Har-dee-Har-Har.

At this point, we totally drop the story in favour of the "hilarious" interactions between Marvin and Duck Dodgers. Marvin mentions a "current event" (fuel shortage) and his solution. To solve Earth's fuel shortage problem, he'll blow up Earth. The short gets way way f'n worse at this point.

Duck Dodgers doesn't care that the world is going to get blown up. Oh yeah, and the all-important Yo Yo polish? Never mentioned again.

Out of nowhere, Marvin says "I would like you to meet my friend, Gossamer." Based on this incredibly "sexy" name, Duck Dodgers is immediately smitten with the character, who he assumes is a "space babe from one of those Sci Fi magazines".

Har-dee-fuckin-har-har.

For those of us who already know, Gossamer is a hairy monster in tennish shoes that stands about 15 feet tall. Duck Dodgers inevitably is chased by Gossamer, and Space Cadet saves the day by shaving Gossamer, who was nothing but fur and shoes anyway, he proudly states.

What the fuh? End of Cartoon?

Yep. Ya heard me. Off to solve the universe's Yo-Yo polish problem, A space Hero and his assistant run into Marvin the Martian who is about to blow up the earth. Nobody cares, so we have a side-splitting chase scene with Gossamer that ends with Gossamer being shaved into oblivion, and our heroes...uh...

I hope to god that it was some sort of time edit, and nobody would think that a story like that was worth dragging aging cartoonists out of their storage lockers.

Luckily, that short was quickly followed by a classic, 1950's "Pepe le Peu" short. Now this was a perfect example of a short story.

We open on a man painting a country road in France. He strolls casually, humming "Dinah Blow Votre Horn" (hee hee). Suddenly, a cat being chased by a dog streak around the corner. The Cat squeezes under the road-painting device, giving it a white stripe down it's back. The Dog careens into the man, spilling paint everywhere, and the cat gets away in the chaos.

We switch to Pepe le Peu, who has arrived at a nearby port as a stowaway on a boat. Pepe spots the cat running down the country road, looking very much like a skunk indeed, what with the white stripe and all. A truly hilarious sequence of chases ensues, and the cartoon reaches the conclusion of Pepe persuing love to the very last moment.

And scene.

You see, the problem with the "Duck Dodgers" story is that the writers, animators, sound people... ah hell, everyone involved was trying to re-live the 50's heyday when the Looney Tune shorts were brilliant. They were grasping at past successful characters, groping at too many plot lines, and forgetting how simplicity can, and almost always is, the secret.

Duck Dodgers: At least 3 plot lines. Pepe le Peu: Just the one.

Now, if we have all the time in the world, like at P-jam (1 and 1/2 hours to figure out several plotlines), I don't see any problem in spinning our yarns and getting them all tangled so we have something to unravel and conclude in the end.

But when you've got 5 minutes, that's not a lot of time to begin, middle and end. Hippies weren't the only thing that stunk in the 60's/70's; the cartoons were enough to break a funk-o-meter.

Song of the Day: "Maibelline" by The Head Set. It takes guts to name your song the same name as one of the most legendary Chuck Berry tunes of all time, and then make it look like you misspelled it, and then have it turn out to be an original, enjoyable song. Neat. Listen to it here: www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://myspace.com/mybrucebruce The comedian of the day, acccording to Myspace.

Playwright of the Day: Henrik Ibsen (1828-1906)
- This guy is given a lot of credit as being the "father of modern drama"
- Realistic Theatre was his game (a likeness to life, it is the perfect type of theatre to explore relationships)
This is how Wikipedia describes a Realistic Theatre play:
-Always credulous, nothing to test believability in audience
-Audience is never acknowledged
-Dialogue only, no asides, soliloquys or monologues (except when addressed to another onstage character)
-An individual represents a societal problem
-Fourth wall removed convention is strictly followed
-A linear plot with no sub-plots

Oh Hot Hot Heat, A Band and a Description of our City

For the first time since moving to the house, I slept in the basement.

My body just wasn't made for this. I think back to my French/Irish/Scottish ancestors, and I assume they spent most of their time in dark, dank pubs swigging ale and fighting.

Now it may look like my body wasn't made for fighting, but it really, really is. True, I'll never win the fight, but as my friends/relatives can attest to, I never get all that injured. I haven't been in a fight for a really long time, but I assume if one more dude mentioned how hot it was yesterday, he would have recieved a knuckle sandwich, Shawn-style.

Speaking of sandwiches, Hot Hot Heat is a mere few days away. Controller(.) Controller will be one of the opening bands. THUMP THUMP THUMP!! Rewrite your history.

Oh, and for those who manically read my blog every day and come to the Prospect Jam, it's on tonight. 7 pm... Unless you're reading this on Monday and I haven't updated. Then you missed it. I'm sorry.

Song of the Day: "History" by Controller. Controller. At least, I think there's a period after the first Controller... Not sure. Listen here: www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: www.myspace.com/the_crad_pad Apparently, Crad's new myspace home.

Playwright of the Day: Bertolt Brecht (1891-1956)
- Epic Theatre is his main game (kind of a "proletariat" form of theatre that uses it's stories, mostly re-workings of old stories, to draw parallels between the events of the play and current events, pointing out the need for political and social reforms)
-"Epic" also refers to the broadness of the topics covered and mixture of narrative and dramatic techiques
- Brecht encouraged his actors to perform "in the third person"; Their acting should comment on the characters' motivations and actions (almost all my "Playwright of the Day" information is stolen directly from Oscar G. Brockett's "History of the Theatre", in case this seems familiar to any of my acting buddies).

A Playwright a Day Keeps the Confusies Away

So around 2 weeks ago, I was watching an exellent Theatresports show. The evening was concluded with a scene done in the style of Samuel Beckett.

And my row didn't know who Samuel Beckett was.

And that's okay.

I'm going to take it upon myself to throw out the Imposter E-mail of the Day section for a much, much more loftier one: Playwright of the Day.

Not that I think that will excite anyone overly. But wouldn't that be nice one day if you were sitting in the audience and somebody said "DO A BRECHT!", and you knew what that meant?

I know that some of you do know a lot of stuff about Playwrights, so you're always allowed to add... I think it would be a good idea if more of the audience was in on more of our smarty-ness.

Let's begin.

Song of the Day: "Kenny the Jet" by Louque. Kind of cool stuff. Listen to it here: www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: www.bibleman.com We like superheros, don't we? I'm soooo conflicted...

Playwright of the Day: Samuel Beckett (1906-1989)
-absurdist (A philosophy, often translated into art forms, holding that humans exist in a meaningless, irrational universe and that any search for order by them will bring them into direct conflict with this universe-- stolen from Dictionary.com)
-writer of "Waiting for Godot" (spoiler: Godot never comes!)
-characters often in a world of disaster (human survival is threatened)
-plays deal with the metaphysical human condition
-raises questions that cannot be answered, doubts humanity

It's all about the Intro

It's been a very fun run being the "go-to" free improv host the last little while. And I don't mean a fun run for charity or {insert terminal but hilarious disease/syndrome here} (just mad lib, y'all). I mean I'm really enjoying myself.

My intro bit, although intended for one week only (RO-BOT ROCK!!!) seems to have endured. I realize that some will grow weary of it (soon or already), but as for now, it's still going strong.

I have always believed a good intro can make for a good show. I mean, let's think back on the top opening credits that you've ever witnessed. And I'm not talking movies, I'm talking TV. Here's a "Random 10" that I think are pretty damn unforgettable.

1. Get Smart
2. Spider-Man (the cartoon, of course)
3. Da Ali G Show
4. Mr. Bean (Mr. G obviously enjoyed Mr. Bean's intro so much because they're from the same country? They both seem to be descendants from a beam of light...)
5. The Simpsons
6. The Drew Carey Show (love it or hate it)
7. Kids in the Hall
8. Hockey Night in Canada
9. The People's Court (The Funk and the Congos suck me in)
10. Fawlty Towers (heheh. Always re-arranging their title and adding some extra letters. "Farty Towels". Heehee. "Twatty Flowers". hoo hoo.)

And that's the last time you see the "T" word on my blog. But hey, the British, Canadian, and American sensors all thought it was okay, so I guess I shouldn't care.

Song of the Day: "AM Slow Golden Hit" by Hotel Lights. I might have already featured this song, but I was wondering if there is a double meaning to "hit" as far as this song goes. You be the judge: www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://www.hotellights.net/ In case you like the tune.

Imposter E-mail of the Day: Gerald. He's a "prettyb" looking girl. You heard me, 25 and prettyb. He wants to get to "knaow" me better. Oh Gerald.

The Festival for Edward was a Capital Idea, Until His Ex Showed Up...

Only a few days and counting before Edmonton's new music festival, EdFest arrives.

And I wish I could be more stoked.

You see, music festivals usually are one price. You pay once, and you get to see all the bands. You can pay for a "pass" for other festivals, and that pass is usually not outrageously overpriced. From what I gather, you can buy a "pass" for EdFest, but it only entitles you for 3 nights out of 10, and it's over $100.

Buzz kill.

So I chose only one night. I just can't afford to love music as much as I used to.

Here's some lineup stuff:

Thu, July 20
Kwame & DJ Kwake
Saukrates
Divine Brown
Nelly Furtado

Fri, July 21
Damone
Mobile
The All American Rejects

Sat, July 22
Maurice
Armchair Cynics
Our Lady Peace

Sun, July 23
Murder City Sparrows
Magneta Lane
Hedley

Mon, July 24
Kyle Riabko
Wil
Creedence Clearwater Revisited

Tue, July 25
Tupelo Honey
Oliver Black
Three Days Grace

Wed, July 26
The Fall Collection
The Marble Index
Controller.Controller
Hot Hot Heat

Thu, July 27
The Novaks
The Trews
The Sam Roberts Band

Fri, July 28
Melissa McClelland
Jeremy Fisher
Stabilo
Blue Rodeo

Sat, July 29
Our Mercury
Fefe Dobson
Simple Plan

Okay, sounds good. But I can't help but wonder, what happened to that free Telus Stage show?... Omigod, it's still there. Totally bodacious. Check the free shows (with admission of course):

July 20: Roger Hodgson of Supertramp (Dreeema, you nuthin' but a dreeeeeema!)
July 21: Default (I'm wasting my tayaymuh, I'm wasting my tayaymuh!)
July 22: Kardinal Offishall (Juno award after Juno award!)
July 23: Gino Vannelli (I just wanna stop, fo yo luuuuuuuuuuve!)
July 24: The Philosopher Kings (It hurts to luuuve you!)
July 25: Carolyn Dawn Johnson and Aaron Pritchett (It's wrong to make fun of her)
July 26: Melissa O'Neil and Rex Goudie (Here Rex, good boy)
July 27: Kenny Shields & Streetheart (Someone please help me remember a Streetheart song)
July 28: Jakalope, Rocketface, and Rio Bent (Fast as Fast can be, You'll never catch me)
July 29: Trooper (We're here for a good tayime, not a long tyime)

Song of the Day: "Upside Down" by Jakalope. It was the least I could do to make her song my song of the day after making an out-of-date "America's Funniest People"/Dave Coulier joke. Sorry, Jaks. You have lots and lots of friends that want to make you a star, and most of them are already stars. Why aren't you more famous yet? Listen to her here: www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: www.capitalex.ca
You know, gotta help the local economy and such. Klondike Days were like, so 100 years ago anyway.

Imposter E-mail of the Day: Dowdy. Dowdy wants me to stop being a two-pump chump. I hate you, Dowdy.

On Weed and Weeds

So on my way to work this morning, I see 4 skaters picking weeds out from the (City of Edmonton's attempt to beautify) gravel Strathcona Parking Lot.

I couldn't help but think about how this might have all began (diddle doo, diddle doo, diddle doo... uhh, yeah, my attempt at a Wayne's World-style flashback).

Picture this: 4 young lads are on their way to their favorite bar. They think to themselves; "You know what goes good with Beer?"

One of them gets on their cell phone. Their "guy" is in the neighbourhood. Just checking to see if he's home.

They go over to his place. They pool together their money (everyone's pocket change amounts to about $4.73). They ask their "guy" if it's enough for one of his worst-rolled spliffs.

He agrees.

They leave his house. They realize that the only place they can take their "magic carpet ride" is on the street.

But Officer O'Toole has another plan for our boys.

The good Policeman spots 4 boys in a back alley. They are taking a dance with "Mary Jane". They are the "Doobie" Brothers he's been looking for all night. He has to catch at least one group a night, or his ass is on the line.

"So boys," chortles O'Toole. "You Like weed? How do you think you'll like WEEDS? Because you just bought yourselves 8 hours of community service pulling weeds for the City of Edmonton!"

That's right boys. Don't do drugs (at least not in public). The stereotypical Irish cop will make you pay with your time.

Song of the Day: "Don't Wait" by Dashboard Confessional. I'm sure they didn't mean to start their song creepily, creepily like "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer. But don't take my word for it, listen to it at this link: http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://www.myspace.com/jessecrowley Listen to the Jessmiester.

Imposter E-Mail of the Day: Floppy V. Juliana. She sell Hoodia by the seashore.

Prospect Pride

That's right, you ragamuffins.

I'm proud of your performances at the prime time show on Friday night. Let's not even talk ups, downs and analyzing scenes. Let's just bask in the moment of bliss...

...And that moment's passed.

On to other business:

Song of the Day: "I Need More Love" by Robert Randolph and the Family Band. Shake you collective asses, mofos. I command you to hear it at this link: http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://dramabug.blog-city.com/ Katie's on the net y'all.

Imposter E-mail of the Day: Pansy Fernandez. Pansy wants to sell me a doctorate... But I suggest he fight Nacho Libre instead.

10 Minutes of Fame

That's right, Prospect Jammers. You don't even get 15 minutes. Just 10.

So maybe use that time to knock our socks off and across the room.

For those who don't know, this Friday (June 7), we have a prime time show. That means we have a show that starts at 8 pm as well as a show that starts at 11 pm.

But wait, there's more.

Rapid Fire Theatre's Prospect Jammers (or the P-Jam, as we like to call it) will be taking over the rookie spot for one night only.

But wait, there's more!

It's pay-what-you-can! You can bring your Scottish Uncle finally! Woo.

Be there, or be cubed.

Song of the Day: "I Turn My Camera On" by Spoon. Come on Sonic 102.9. Play some spoon. You bunch of Modern Rock guys and gals. You know you listen to them all day in your basements. Hear it: http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: www.atom6.com
This was the original page sent by "anonymous" for comparing songs...

Imposter E-mail of the Day: Yong Bellamy. Yong would like to help me with my mortgage. Joke's on you, Bellamy. I don't have one.

Workshop? Who said it was Work?

And by that I mean damn! These kids are talented.

I did one evening of a two-day workshop with iHuman, one of Edmonton's youth theatre groups yesterday. I spent the evening going over accepting and spontaneity, because I've always felt inhibitions and thinking too hard are two of the biggest roadblocks when you're starting Improv.

They totally aced that shit.

So tonight, we'll be delving into Character development and Storytelling, because these ladies and gentlemen are more than ready.

It's fun watching people jump into things and not worry too much about what they're going to say or do. There were, of course, a couple of times that people thought they had "nothing" to offer or no ideas, but when encouraged, they had the best ideas in the room.

Put that in your doober and smoke it (yep, the doober girl is from iHuman, she contributed to what made Slovenia great... hee hee).

Song of the Day: "Eyes So Green" by Motive Unknown. My bud Robby Suter fronts the band (lead guitar, lead vocals), and I've known him since grade 5 back in 19-dickity-2. Hey, listen to it here: http://motiveunknown.ca/music.html

Link of the Day: http://www.ihuman.org/ Multitalented, yes.

Imposter E-mail of the Day: Inhumanity B. Growled. He (or she) wanted to sell me online drugs.

We Be Gettin' Down, Computer Action

Do the robotic satisfaction.

It was said that Paul McCartney waited 5 years to publish the song "Yesterday" because he thought the song was copied. He felt like he had heard the accoustic riff before... But he hadn't. Also, if he had not changed the working title, the song would have been called "Scrambled Eggs".

Good change, Sir Paul.

Regardless, I think I had an idea. But it was too well formulated, so I have to make sure with you guys that I didn't copy it (it's a computer-animated short idea):

The scene opens on an Oldsmobile. It has a Jesus Fish on the back of it. The car starts down the street, and we notice the Jesus Fish is becoming steadily looser. It finally looses all grip and starts to swing from the head portion. It drops to the street. Suddenly, it's head moves, looks around, and then it sprouts two legs and runs away, towards freedom.

I know, I know, the Darwin Fish is also on the back of cars. but that's the inspiration. But part of me thinks I've seen that scene all before... Or maybe it was somebody else's idea, and they told me...

Song of the Day: "Ceremony" by New Order. These guys will always be relevant. Hear it: http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: www.thomasirvin.com For those jonesin' for more disturbingly similar songs. Thanks, Anonymous Boy/Girl/Man/Woman/Energy Being.

NEW FEATURE: E-mail Imposter of the Day: Ronit Didonna. I check all the mail for the company I work for, and I'll post a new spam name along with every post... I especially like the fake names with middle initials, like Decided P. Testicles... Can't they try a little harder?

As the Late Owen Hart used to say...

Enough is enough, and it's time for a change (yeah, a wrestling reference. Don't make me give you a Soviet Judo Suplex).

Yes, Rapid Fire Theatre is changing, because it's a company on the move! It's only 25, hell, it could still date one of those teenager companies if it so desires... But it won't, because it is it's own entity. Nobody owns it or tells it what to do... uh, except maybe Karen or Crad... or Kevvy, or, well, a board...

Regardless, for the month of July, it looks like the change we're getting is an old school one. That's right, the return of survival of the wittiest. That's where captains are chosen at the beginning of the evening, and they choose the most rockinist, rocksteady beat of a team based on what members of the cast are actually, physically there for the evening.

Oh yeah, it gets nutsy, even heavy heavy monsterish. Anybody from any rank may appear in the first half. We're talking rookies, regulars, and even those second half-types... ONE STEP BEYOND!!!

That is, if the designated captains want to pick you... You see, it's like pickin' teams for floor hockey. Sorry dude, there's only room for 3 forwards, 2 defensemen and a goalie... But wait, in Theatresports, there's really only room for 2 forwards and 2 defensemen. We might let a 3rd forward in that mix, but it should be rare. But there are NO GOALIES in Theatresports!! That's like a safety net. We don't do no f'n safety nets at Rapid Fire Theatre.

If we fall, we break our faces, spines, and ribs.

And then we take a bow.

Song of the Day: "You Keep Me Hanging On" by Madness. This song just keeps getting covered and covered and covered. But I think this is the first Ska cover... Unless Me First and the Gimme Gimmes got a hold of it first... hear Madness here: http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://www.gimmegimmes.com/
You know, in case you've never heard of them. I think every boy or girl should briefly go through a Gimme Gimmes stage... and then feel a little bad about it afterwards. But still secretly enjoy the covers.

Hippies, Drugs, and Promiscuity

I borrowed two books while I was at my Grandma's place. Luckily, she didn't ask me what the titles were.

But, as you probably guessed, one of them is called Hippies, Drugs, and Promiscuity.

And the other is called You Can Raise Decent Children.

Great mother of God and all that's holy.

The information given in these books are classic. Although I haven't been too clear so far on what the point of Hippies, Drugs, and Promiscuity is, it is somewhat clear that the author is fascinated and shocked. Why, all these children do is smoke and do the old "in-out"!

That's the interesting thing about the book. It seems as if everyone she interviews is a child. I guess we could make certain judgments on her as well... But of course, she's conservative. She would never do anything immoral or have an obsession with drug-riddled children. Why, perhaps she might "test" a drug or two just to know how awful they are, but, I mean, hey. She is a moral, upstanding citizen just doing some investigative journalist work, I'm sure.

I've really got to complete the book to figure out what the hell her point is. You might as well write a book called Nerds, Computers, and RPGs. Staring at a screen all day! "Blogging" their opinions! "Chatting" on messenger programs! Discussing Lord of the Rings! Smoking the Devil's Tobacco! Needing glass pieces framed with wire or plastic to correct their vision problems! Having an aversion to physical activity lest it be a trampoline, laser tag or paintball! PRETENDING TO BE DEMONS, ORCS, ELVES, and other BEASTS! Spending all their money on comic books! The boys not realizing until reaching their 20's that the solution to not getting any dates is to date girl nerds(realizing also at this age the nerds of the opposite sex may not be scantily-clad Snow Tiger-riding She-vikings carrying Thor's Hammer, but may be strangely sexually attractive in that Lisa Loeb kind of way)! Spawning Nerd children who start the cycle all over again!

Not that any of that is really all that bad, I'm just doing some investigative journalist stuff.

Don't get me started on You Can Raise Decent Children, a book that equates slender, attractive, physically beautiful children with everything that is good, and heavier children with acne with misbehaving and being not "decent".

What a god damn f'n joke.

It also states that "any action a child takes is a direct reaction to their parents and how they are being raised". Example: If your child is homosexual (defined in the book as a "perversion" or much, much worse), then you must have done something horrifying to them.

These books were both written in the late 60's.

Sexual revolution my ass. Now isn't it great the world is run by conservatives? Those who were impressionable young Tories when these books came out?

Song of the Day: "Not if you Were the Last Junkie on Earth" by the Dandy Warhols. Not sure if this one will appear on myspace, but I'll have something by the Dandies here: http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0028346/
At least at one time, conservatism was funny.

32, 34, 36

No, these aren't the measurements of some strangely proportioned model.

They were the temperatures at Salmon Arm while I was there.

I admit, it was silly timing that resulted in me missing the last 2 days of improvaganza, but I'm sure overwhelming attendance more than made up for my absence.

Damn it was hot, I had to apply 4 layers of SPF 30 every day. A crispy burned Irish/French/Scotsman I have been in the past, so I learned. I've been hospitalized once for the sunburns I can get. Call it bad tanning genes.

There is a beach I was able to visit while I was down there, it was called Canoe Beach, and the teenage girls ate me alive. All I was trying to do was get some sun and read a book, and there was a gaggle of them within a few yards of me... I guess they didn't think I was deaf, they just didn't care, saying stuff like:

"Oh my god! He's got hair on his chest... GROOOOSSSSSS! EEEEWWW! He's so white, oh my god, look at his gut...GROOOOOSSSS! EEEEEEEEEWWWW! What's that on his chin? Facial hair... Oh my god that's so ugly. EEEEEWWWW!"

Not that they gave me a complex.

Regardless, I'm back, Kory was brilliant in my place I'm sure. I probably should have asked Chad if he was going to be there... Meh. I'm sure he enjoyed a Kory Story or two if he was.

Song of the Day: "The Wizard Turns On The Giant Silver Flashlight And Puts on His Werewolf Moccasins" by The Flaming Lips. Delightful Instrumental boys. If I can't find it online, I'll put some other Lips song in it's place here: http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://salmonarm.ca/siteengine/activepage.asp?PageID=131
Just in case you want to see where I was.

Republika Slovenija: I'm so checking it out one day.

This is a map of Slovenia. Some of our lovely improvisers are from here. And we could all benefit from what they've shown us at Improvaganza.

Often times, natural coolness and stage presence is a rarity. A lot of improvisers struggle with it, and perhaps at times even put it on. But on the evening of June 21, I saw two improvisers who were just being themselves, and it was one of the easiest to watch shows I've ever seen... Now more than ever, I understand notes that are given to improvisers like "It was hard to watch" or "I'm uncomfortable when I see you do ____".

I don't want to delve into reviewing scenes and such (I already tagged on to JTW's comment on the dream scene at his blog: http://ilovecakelikeabrother.blogspot.com/). All I want to say is already said: I really enjoyed their charm, and their indescribable international sense of humour. I can't describe it because I've never seen it before. As you can tell, I am enamoured with their style muchly. Quite indeed muchly. Mm hm.

I will be sad to miss the last two days of Improvaganza. A window of opportunity opened up, and I am going to visit my Grandma (for regular readers, they already know she's actually my Great Auntie, but she assumed the role of Grandma for me when I was quite young; You know, the one that's going to roll down the hill to the graveyard at the back of her house when she dies... Long story. If you don't know about it, I told the story on April 10 on this blog, just check the archives).

You all have fun. Kick back and enjoy the international flava.

Karaokay? Karaexellent!

Improvaganza had a little function for all the improvisers yesterday; And I loved it.

We all packed into a tiny Afghani Restaurant and sang the night away. I did a rendition of "Mambo Number 5" for 2 beers. But I told everyone it was for 3 beers.

I said it was Metallica's cover of the song, and proceeded to sing it in the style thereof. Even I was irritated when I was done. But that didn't stop me from having fun.

The Belgians referred to me as the "Body in the trunk" for my ride home. MJ's car was a little packed, so I had to ride in the back, which was actually just the back of a wagon. Sorry MJ, I hope you don't mind me calling your car a station wagon. Maybe you prefer Mini-SUV or MPV or all that jazz.

I should really stop referring to the Belgians as "the Belgians". They have names, I know. Yann, Helga and... The feller I really like. I really think he's fun. And damn it, I can't remember his name.

Thanks for the good times, Improvaganza.

I've turned 3 years old 9 times!!

Yep. Math whizzes, that makes me 27 today.

Buy me something nice.

No shrubberies please.


Song of the Day: "Underdog World Strike" by Gogol Bordello. Thanks Lindsay. I have now listened to all the CDs you've lent me. They were educational. I can't help but think about Dexter when I hear them sing... You know, Dexter's Lab. That guy.

Link of the Day: http://www.playrps.com/ Go ahead. Play some Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Obsessed with Grass

...And I don't mean wacky tobaccy.

I want God to get my letter, and this was the only way I thought I could do it. Because God sees everything, right? No need to build a slingshot to heaven.

Dear God:

I appreciate all you have done for us. You've given us mountains, music, and sweater muffins, and I thank you for all. But I would really appreciate some help right now. I have a few things to talk to you about, and I thank you in advance for taking time out of your busy schedule to read this.

1) Rain... Please, if you could, slow down the rain. Our Improvaganza festival would like that. And so would my Basement. And so would the Ghermazian brothers, whose mall is so shoddily built, it can't handle it whatsoever. And Whitemud Drive also would like you to perhaps turn the taps off, or stop crying so much. Ralph Klein will die someday. No need to cry about it anymore... My lawn really needs to be mowed. I stare at it every day, and cannot do a thing until it is dry. I'm getting really, really crazy about it.

2) Oilers... They pray to you, I'm sure, and so do the fans. Don't listen to those North Carolinans. I hear they covet their neighbour's wives on a regular basis. And forget to keep the sabbath day holy.

3) Jobs... Please, help myself and those around me keep or get jobs. No, not that kind. God, you cad!

In closing, I always admired your work ethic and charm, and ability to get mad at the right time. I also admire the curls in your beard, and your unstained frock. Kudos to your son and all he did too. Let him know I give him the "okay" sign with my left hand and the "thumbs up" with my right.

Thank you,

Shawn Pallier
Rapid Fire Theatre

Amen.

UPDATE: 1 hour after I posted this, my Girlfriend got a call from the job she applied for, and she got it. Hallelujah. God really is out there...

Song of the Day: "Ha Ha" by the Mates of State. You know, because we're trying to make with the ha ha for the run of the festival. Listen to it here: http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://saying-what-youre-thinking.blogspot.com/ Jesse's got a new blog.

And now a word from our Lindsay.

The following is a comment on this blog from Lindsay. In case you don't read comments, I have made it into a charcoally colour and posted it in the main body. Enjoy. Oh, and read my entry below too, in case you haven't already.

"As luck would have it days after deleting our blog i found something to write about. Being as it has an improv twist i imagine Shawn will be cool with me putting it here.

Today we wrote our english 30 diploma, the topic being "self-preservation in the face of internal and external pressures" or something to that effect. As per usual they gave us some poems/extracts/pictures to "inspire" (confuse) us, in this case a Frost poem, an exerpt from Mrs. Dalloway and a picture of a guy with a marionette. From this we were supposed to glean some insight as to the nature of the topic, but, after 20 minutes i came up with nothing. I finished the essay part and came back to the creative portion. I looked up and saw my friend Anne, and remembered when we wrote a scathing letter to grad council after they rejected our submission for grad theme (Leningrad, c'mon, that's gold.) That letter, though a joke, was one of the most articulate and persuasive things i've ever written and so it dawned on me, why not write a letter and load it up with dry humour and bad puns...but what to write on...aha! puppets!

And suddenly it all started to materialize, just like an improv sketch, all the elements were there. The puppeteer was writing to the big time promoter (characters) who had just offered him an extremely lucrative contract to take his show to Vagas (situation), 'n snazz it up a bit, sign some endorsement deals etc. The puppeteer, desperate for money and living out of his station wagon (puppetry not being the most lucrative business out there)(external pressure aka audience suggestion) though deeply commited to his art form, his passion, his raison d'etre (internal pressure, up those stakes). He also took issue with the changes the promoter had proposed, not seeing a place for laser shows, can-lines ar Cher in his humble show, and feared the inevitable creative differeces (mmm stakes). As a result the humble puppeteer graciously declined the offer, prefering to remain impoverished but true to his art and himself rather than selling out. He realized he had to pull alot of strings to get him that contract (throw in a bad pun), but had to decline in order to preserve his emotional and spiritaul integrity (reincorperation of suggestion to find solution.)

My point is that improv becomes pervasive, I'm writing a test worth 50% of my english mark and all I can think while writing is "up the stakes up the stakes," Stay commited to character" "reincorperate from whats there" "incorporate the suggestion" "find an end, ooh, lame pun, that'll do." I dont know how well it worked, hopefully whoever marks it has a sense of humour/flare for the bizarre/appreciation for something that isn't a mini-essay on the role of social expectations in Mrs Dalloway."

Belgium Calling... Let's get our Sing On.

So here we are.

Improvaganza 2006.

It's time for 10 days of wine, women, men, and song... And I mean song.

It was around this time last year that the whole gang headed over to what used to be Sherlock Holmes (at least, I think that's where we went) and sang some Karaoke. Don't get me wrong, there's one hell of an improv tournament to attend, but the sideshow is also very entertaining.

For those who witnessed it, the European (world?) Balloon-sculpting champion belted out the best version of Devo's "Whip It" that I've ever heard.

Seriously, I loved it.

He belted it out in a frantic Red I Knight-meets-Jello Biafra tone unlike I've ever heard before. I wish to witness something like that again this year, so all you improv talents, I want you to find out which night we'll be going out singing, pick your favourite tune, and make it your own.

I choose George Michael's "Faith". Which I probably won't be deviating from the original too far. True, I do it every time I do Karaoke. But don't mess with a good thing. Hey, if you want to hear me try something different, I just need some ideas.

And buy me some booze. It might be my birthday when we go... Like, let's say, let's go to Karaoke somewhere on June 20th. That'll make me very happy.

And 27.

Song of the Day: "Pages of Time" by the Corduroys. Apparently, boys, I can't add it to myspace, so you'll have to go here to hear it: http://www.myspace.com/lovethecorduroys
It's the second son on their list.

Link of the Day: http://www.rapidfiretheatre.com/index.php?s=improvaganza
Seriously, it's time to watch some folks make with the ha ha.

UPDATE: Sweet Zombie Jamie

It's Alive?

Apparently, just as in my mourning of the death of Panas Envy, I speak too soon.

Rambling Jamie has shaken off the cobwebs.

http://ramblingjamie.blogspot.com

10 Scenes about the Death of Blogs in 3 Minutes.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of two blogs.

Hand-Me-Down Adventures
&
Rambling Jamie.

First, Hand-Me-Down Adventures. The musings of young improvisers and their friends. Ranging from frivolous polls to frightening essays on drugs and death. Updates were few, but memories lasted a lifetime.

Second. Rambling Jamie. We lost you too soon. So young. So innocent. Your ramblings were occasionally short, but one time very insightful. So, in a sense, it was 33% brilliant.

May you both rest in peace.

Song of the Day: "Dirty Edmonton Whore" by LEFTNUTT. And really, who other than a punk band from Edmonton would use the words "Whore" and "Edmonton" in the same sentence?
Listen to it here: http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://www.myspace.com/leftnutt You know, in case you want to hear more of their stuff.

So I was looking For My Game Genie...

... when all of a sudden, I ran across a mini-comic book from 1982.

I wanted to find my Game Genie codes for Super Mario 3, because when I'm in a mood, it's kind of nice to obliterate some Goombas and Koopas.

But hey, this comic is kinda cool. It's 24 years old, and it's set in the futuristic date of 2005. You know, the year our planet was destroyed by aliens.

Tonight, I'll bring the comic and the game it refers to. You know, so we can all geek out together.

Link of the Day: http://www.atariage.com/comics/comic_thumbs.html?MagazineID=42 ... In case you can't wait until tonight to read the thing.

Song of the Day: "Seven Nation Army" by Nostalgia 77 feat. Alice Russell.
Oh. My. Jesus.
This is the finest cover I've ever heard. Here's some of it: http://media.phonicarecords.co.uk/7806611164170_9.mp3
If you have it, please tell me. Instead of it playing on Myspace today, I'll leave Ben Folds singing "Bitches Ain't Shit" for a little while longer... http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx
Because I don't have the aforementioned rip-roarin' awesome cover yet. But it's great.

Dare to be the Same

Not that long ago, I ridiculed a friend for getting very excited that CCR was coming to Edmonton's Klondike Days... er... Capital Ex? Cap-X?... Anyway, he got very excited that CCR was coming to town.

I laughed.

I was like "CCR? Dude, that's not Creedence Clearwater Revival, that's Creedence Clearwater Revisted! They're just a cover band!"

Hahahaha...

No, wait.

Look at the picture just above this.

That's Stu Cook. Of the Creedence Clearwater Revival... and Creedence Clearwater Revisited.

And the picture above Stu? That's Doug Clifford, of CCR and CCR.

Well shut my mouth.

But what are we going to do without the dulcet tones of the Brothers Fogerty?... I sense a possible gong show. Or brilliance. I guess I'll have to go and find out.

One thing is for certain: I'm going to see Hot Hot Heat. And here's an interesting little factoid for those who are also fans of the band: They file them in the "punk" section at HMV. Not too sure why, but that's where you find them.

On an improv-related note, I read recently on an expert's improv blog that "most companies would never start their show with a 10-minute rookie round".

Well, I guess we're not like most companies... I don't really like the fact that he referred to the round as being the home of the "weakest" players, because I think we prove consistantly that it can be the home of the most no-holds-barred, high-energy, something-else-that-can-be-separated-by-hyphens improv this side of the nuthouse.

But hey, read the article for yourself:

Link of the Day:
http://www.improworldtour.com/improblog/
Interesting insight, and curious convictions. I enjoy reading it.

Song of the Day:
"Bitches Ain't Shit" by Ben Folds. Move over Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg.
Listen to it here:
http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Driving the Point Home, and to Work, and to Pick up some Eggs.

Hey.

I'm back.

Just before I left, I went over to my dad's place to pick up a cooler for my trip.

I needed somewhere to put the juice boxes, eh?

So anyway, I'm driving back, cooler in trunk, taking my time, but driving the speed limit, because somewhere along the way in my life, I decided that I'm not much of a speeder.

However, the dude next to me was.

The problem for him was that he kept hitting all the red lights. Now, Edmonton and the rest of Alberta is known for crazy drivin'. Hillbillies going 170 kph down roads marked 50. Because, dammit, we got places to go! We got milk to git! We got wimins to pick up! We got to git down to the local garage to get that muffler taken off! CAR'S TOO QUIET!

YOU HERE THAT SOUND COMIN' from my CAR?? THAT AIN'T JUST MY MOTOR RUNNIN'! THAT'S MY 12 FOOT LONG DICK FLAPPIN' IN THE WIND!

YEEEEHAWWW!!

Anywhoo, he's hitting all the red lights. So naturally, he's got to peel out at every light so that I know he's higher on the food chain. And then all of a sudden, it happens.

Karma.

He gets in front of me at the next light. Apparently, he likes me behind him (burn. Now who's your daddy?). As he goes to peel out for the 5th straight light...

SMASH!!

His plastic back window falls into several pieces as his lawnmower handles come careening out of the back of his truck.

The great part is, I doubt he could hear it or feel it happen what with all the motor-runnin' and dick-flappin' going on.

I'm not saying I'm the better man. I'm just saying... my back window is still intact.

Link of the Day: http://www.adultswim.com/games/squidbillies_floorit/index.html?showId=330849&name=Squidbillies&timezone=EST

Want to send a hillbilly squid through the windshield of a car? You have to sit through a commercial as it loads, but it's worth the wait.

Song of the Day: Pick it up, Lay it in the Cut by Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings.
This is from the first album. Just listen to how that bass line goes. Wheee.
Listen to it here: http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Countin' the Mountains

Children of the Improv, I will be departing today for Canmore.

But don't fret, I will return 'ere the sun rises on Tuesday.

In the meantime, you must find something to entertain yourselves with in my absence.

http://www.billsgames.com/mazegenerator/

There you go. The above link will make a maze for you.

Dirty Taps and Dirty Limos

Hey.

I'm hung over like all get out.

I picked up my car on the way to work.

It was at the bar.

Taught a workshop for kids last night (age range: preteen to adult- so I guess "kids" is a little general). They were understanding all the games waaay to fast... and then I found out that some were Citadel kids. Er, adults... Homosapiens.

Saw a limousine with a makeshift trailer (made of black wood, cart-style) attached this morning. It also had a custom (poorly made) roofrack. It was beat up a little, and the windshield was cracked.

Awesome.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some gravol and Ginger Ale with my name on it.

Song of the Day: "San Diego" by the Starlight Mints. Used to like this band a lot, and still do a little. Come and listen to it at http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx

Link of the Day: http://profile.myspace.com/744055
Senor Cardgage's profile... so cool...
For those of you who don't know who he is... http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail92.html

On June 1, at 7:30 PM...

...Be ready to rock the most metal library in the city (IDYLWYLDE!! Meedilymeedilymeedily) and do a workshop with yours truly.

It's a workshop for absolute beginners in Improv, so if you have experience, you might want to leave this one in the dust.

Here's the thing though. You've got to register. I think you can just call them (496-1808).

Link of the day: http://www.myspace.com/ladylovinlynx
Hee hee, I don't know what I'm doing with this page yet.

Song of the day: "Jackass" by Beck. Found a live recording of sorts, and put it on the link above. Maybe that's the function that page will serve... Songs of the day. Yes.

Whyte Avenue Urban Legends... Onstage?

So, the P-jam returned to an idea we tried once; The Urban Legend game.

Without going into too much detail (because I already explained it once), we re-tell a myth onstage and provide some insight as to how it happened.

It made me think that Whyte Avenue (or Edmonton in general) must have some urban legends or myths attached to it... Curious if anybody knows any of them or who to ask.

Or maybe our Dirty Ol' Town actually has clean laundry, I don't know.

Or maybe Edmonton Urban Legends are boring (which means we could spice 'em up?).

Or maybe I'm reaching for something that isn't there.

Or maybe I'm amazed by you. Maybe Baby... I seriously digress.

Gimme your myths and legends. They might be from your school, work, or massage parlour. I'm sure there are some.

Or be hilarious and make up one.

Link of the day: http://www.normandcompany.com/SM1GAME/newsplash.html
Why not? Solve a stickman murder.

Song of the day: "Super Bon Bon" by Soul Coughing. There's a highly entertaining remix out there. I enjoyed it.

I Wash Myself with a Rag on a Stick.

Some forced perspective going on here, but that's still a big effin rabbit.

The Rise of Lawrence Bideaux?

Yes. A reincarnation.

Some of you maybe read the story about my clownie alterego, Bido.

Well, I think I found his new look.

You see, sometimes (more often than not), I'd say people are totally weirded out by clowns. Either you hate them, they make you feel uncomfortable, or the "uncoolness" of being one makes you want to punch them.

However, I like a well-performed or sincere clown.

I think most people would rather not get to know a clown. The mere appearance of a red nose is like a stop sign or a medicalert tag that says "Warning: Very likely to annoy and follow those who least want anything to do with me. There is no vaccine."

So I can solve that problem. I'm going to take Bido's nose away for a while, and I'm going to give him an alterego.

Aw yeah. Very Gemini.

I will call Bido's alterego Lawrence Bideaux. I don't know when or where he'll make his debut, but it's bound to happen. Essentially, he's a very confident man who believes he can do anything he wants at any time. Become a hockey player? No problem. Become Canada's next Prime Minister? Easy. Do burpees from Edmonton to Calgary? Before breakfast.

But the only problem will be, he fails outright every time. It's more the journey that'll be the story, not so much the accomplishment... Well, not the thing he set out to accomplish. I'm sure he'll get all sorts of unintentional glory on the way...

Perhaps some short films will be the way to introduce him. Around 2 or 3 minutes long, just to warm people up to the idea at first.

Then, the climb up Everest, using only his teeth.

Link of the Day: http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/animals.asp
Copius pictures of real and fake animal encounters. Enjoy.

Song of the Day: "Hanging on the Telephone" by Def Leppard. You heard me. Def Leppard has a new, 2006 album of covers. Including this one, originally done by Blondie, also covered by L7.

Ta Da: The Rise and Fall of Bido

Before you read me, why don't you check out Jesse?
http://fret-buzz.livejournal.com/
Carry on.

Once upon a time, I was a clown named Bido.

No, not some sort of party clown. I don't really know how to make balloon animals or squirt kids in the face with clown-acid out of my novelty flower.

An actual, classic, traditional (with a splash of "discovering the clown within" courtesy of Jan Henderson) clown.

It took a summer of hard training at the University of Alberta, my involvement in a show that had some "clowning" in it (entitled Move-Ease, it was often criticized for trying to have too many ideas in one show, but most viewers agreed it was a fun romp), and a year's worth of physical theatre training in a Lecoq-style school for myself to feel confident enough to actually take the show on the road.

Yes, my friends, I did a clown-street performing show a few years back at Fort McMurray's interPLAY festival... And I brought along a friend of mine, who I now have completely lost track of, named Benjamin Roy. Our little acting troupe (also including Melissa Everitt for creative input and housing) was called the Special Blend; Get it? Shawn (Special) and Ben (Blend)?

I'm special.

Anyway, the show was well attended, as we were in an outside busking venue with a huge stage. The routine consisted of a brief commedia dell' arte lazze in which myself and Ben performed as Hamtore and Bob (for those in the know, these were takes on the characters Arlecchino and Brigellha). Then, the main routine consisted of Ben as "Announcer Guy" and myself as Bido.

The story goes, we trained a weasel to juggle scrarves in it's mouth while balancing on a teeter board, and then he jumps through a hoop as the grand finale. Naturally, the "weasel" (concealed inside a hat) attacks Bido and he has to kill it (stomping on the hat). As a replacement, we attempt to have "Speedo" (a miniature replica marionette) perform those stunts. But he dies of a heart attack due to stage fright and a larger-than-life threat provided by Bido.

Of course, Bido has to perform the trick himself.

Then, to wrap things up, Bido challenges an audience member to a "Big Contest", and a burly man would always be picked. We would reveal the contest to be a stripping contest, much to the joy(?) of the audience.

But here's the fall of the story: As an inexperienced street performer, I forgot the "money speech" at the end of one of our shows.

And guess what happened? $40, that's what happened.

From a crowd of about 150.

Yeah, when you find a creative way to get people to come up and give you some money, they do (the show the day before brought in about $200).

And thus, the Bido show was put on hiatus. Perhaps permanently.

So a lesson to all aspiring street performers: ASK FOR MONEY. Find a way. Your audience will deliver.

Link of the Day: http://www.foolmoon.org/
The home of Jan Henderson, who heightened my clowning ability.

Song of the Day: "Circus Song" By The Gandharvas. These Canadians were an interesting batch.

Spoon in Your Head

My sister's boyfriend pointed it out to me while I was watching hockey the other night;

"No family watches commericals more closely than the Pallier Family."

Which is true, to a point.

I know there is a car commercial out there where when the car in question drives by, everything around it is "turned on". Little robots in store windows dance, balloons inflate and take a girl high in the sky and... a woman's vibrator "turns on" in her purse?!

Yeah, next time you watch that commercial, watch for it.

The problem is, I'm so distracted by that moment, I don't know what the commercial is for.

Same thing happened with the new commercial for Satellite Radio (but which one? Sirius? XM Radio? See my problem?). I'm so distracted by the fact that the commercial seems to compare one of my favorite bands, Spoon, with Bob Dylan and Ludacris(??).

Basically, they're saying you'll "discover" your favorite band on their radio stations just like music executives "discovered" Bob Dylan at a Laundromat, Ludacris in the woods(??), and another artist at a bus stop... can't remember who.

But I'm so distracted by Spoon's awesomeness, I don't care what the product is.

Now that's backfiring advertising.

Link of the Day: http://www.spoontheband.com/site.html
Spoon rocks.

Song of the Day: "Sister Jack" by Spoon. 'Tis the song in the commercial.

Brilliance (or Smile-Inducing Stupidity...)

So I've been watching the 1980's series "Sledge Hammer!" on DVD lately.

The first thing I've discovered is it was partially written by Al Jean, of "The Simpsons" fame (or infamy, depending on how you feel about the Simpsons). The second thing I've discovered is the budget wasn't very high.

But the most important thing I've noticed about the series is it's impossible-to-decipher target audience.

On the surface, it's a spoof of the Cop show genre. And it could also be said it's done "Naked Gun/Police Story"-style spoof. But for those who watch far too many movies, every single episode is also based on the outline of a movie... well, maybe a couple were not, but almost all were (hey, kind of like the Simpsons...).

So if you've seen the movie they're spoofing, the comedy can be seen as brilliant. If you haven't seen the movie they're spoofing, you might find yourself saying,

"What is this shit and how did it get on the air?"

So who was this show made for? Cop-show buffs? Movie buffs? Spoof-lovers? All of the above? Is there such thing as someone who loves all of the above at the same time?

Don't take my word for it, see it for yourself.

link of the day:
http://www.sledgehammeronline.com/

Song of the day:
"Immigrant Song" by Led Zeppelin. Because this series also makes me think of "Get Smart", check out how Robert Plant's vocals from the opening of this song totally robs the "Get Smart" Theme song. Hilarious.

Your Own Worst Enemy

Rapid Fire Theatre puts on great improv shows.

And sometimes, we beat ourselves up about it.

Glad to report, not so much this week, but sometimes, we give ourselves a hell of a tough time. As an audience member recently pointed out;

"Don't worry so much. You're awesome."

She meant us as a whole, the collective "you're", if you will.

If the improvisers change the way we look at the shows we do, we can have fun and not suck all at the same time.

Of course, if we deserve a tongue-lashing, we almost always know that... But less self tongue-lashing is probably a good idea.

Besides, there are better ways to stay clean.

Song of the Day: Rockin' Robin by Bobby Day. It's my second-favorite Karaoke song of all time.

Link of the Day: http://www.artifactstrading.com
I designed the site, and I don't know what else to do with it. If anyone has any ideas, please let me know... I do plan on adding about 14,990 more items, though...

How to Open a Can of Worms in One Easy Step!

Check this out.

After recently seeing "American Dreamz" (boy oh boy, are the reviews gonna be mixed on this one), I noticed a line Hugh Grant said, and had a good laugh. It went something like this:

"Alright. I have all the freak-show singers I need, but where is the one I can masterbate to?"

I thought to myself, now there's a line that would not win you points with a person that you were trying to put the moves on... Realizing (of course) that his character (Simon Cowell) would never say that to someone's face (or would he?).

I just imagined the scenario though, as something really casual.

Say you're sitting with a friend of yours, enjoying a tea at the local "teaporium". You look across the table at them, and say;

"So, I know we're just friends and all, but, do you ever think of me when you masterbate?"

And the person across the table says,

"Dude, you just totally crossed the line and are dancing towards a new, previously undiscovered line... What's your problem?"

And you're all like,

"It's just a question... Conservative right-wing jerk."

And then you continue to drink tea, and ruin a friendship.

Sounds like fun to me.

Link of the Day: http://ilovecakelikeabrother.blogspot.com
Jeremey the workshopper's blog.

Song of the Day: "Hallelujah" by Imogen Heap. Proof yet again that everyone loves Leonard Cohen. Even Bono, Jeff Buckley, John Cale, Allison Crowe, k.d. lang, Bob Dylan, Rufus Wainwright, Elisa, Gavin DeGraw, Arooj Aftab and the Jazz Mandolin Project. Everyone.

Insight from a Coconut

I discovered recently that sometimes, when we put our heads together onstage we can:

a) achieve anything
b) make a coconut-like sound

Both have the potential to be entertaining and engaging.

Speaking of achievements, I think this invention should be given a second chance.
http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/051206/chinese-food-bong.gif
Thanks, Jeremey.

"Loose" by Iggy and the Stooges. If anyone can find me the cover that Spoon did of this song, let me know.

Idle and Wild-- Two Cops Who Just Don't Get Along

So, I'm conducting a workshop for the Edmonton Public Library.

Shhhhhhhh...

Sorry.

The age limit on the poster says 13 to 19, because that's what the library wanted.

However, everyone and their dog has been asking if they can take it. From 11 year-olds to 35 year-olds. Hell, even the people who asked me to do this teen-related workshop asked me is if folks in their 20s could take it.

Seriously, I don't care. Bring down Grandma, Grandpa and unborn phoetuses. Mummies and Mommies. Little people and those with acromegaly. Bring'em all, and sign 'em up at the Idylwylde Library near Bonnie Doon Mall.

The only library named by 1985 headbangers. Welcome to the IDYLWYLDE!!! Meedilymeedilymeedily!!

Link of the Day: http://www.headbangers.tv/ I didn't mean these headbangers... who are these headbangers, anyway?

Song of the Day: "Into the Fire" by Dokken. Rock and rolla.

PS-- The Doctor Jamie Cavanagh is in... http://ramblingjamie.blogspot.com/

Decoding the Dream

So I'm having this dream-- I'm in a sort-of "band class", but the only problem is, I don't have an instrument. And my sheet music is in my locker.

My locker is in the room, but I don't know the combination. I tell myself "Be cool, your fingers will know the combination." And you know what?

They did.

And then, I realize that I wouldn't know how to play the instrument (probably a trombone) anyway. Now that I have the music, I don't know how to read it, and I haven't played any instrument for a decade.

And, even though my adrenaline is really starting to race, I'm not overly scared...

And then I wake up.

How did I know the locker combination? This must relate to some sort of Improvisational something, but what does it mean?

Link of the Day: http://www.snopes.com/horrors/insects/cactus.htm
The truth behind the spider-cactus thingie!

Song of the Day: "Territorial Pissings (Live)", by From Autumn To Ashes. And you thought Nirvana would be the only band to tear through this one... No way.

As Uncle Carl Once Said...

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

or was that Abraham Lincoln?... Gerald Ford?.... Freddie Mercury?

Oh, no wait, it was totally Victoria Chevrolet. Yeah, that's it.

Song of the Day: "Warmth Of The Sand" by Dashboard Confessional. Seriously, playing Rexall Place? Where was I when they got that popular?

NEW FEATURE!! Link of the Day: http://www.engrish.com/recent_detail.php?imagename=wealthy-person-lump.jpg&category=Signs/Posters&date=2006-04-29

Hee hee. Remember, no bombs! Oh yeah, and that crazy engrish stuff! And No Preaching!

Pulling Your Wire(s) and Living Life

Yessir, the most recent way somebody stumbled across me was by searching for:

"Edmonton Oilers and boobies on Whyte Avenue."

I suggest to this individual (who lives here in Edmonton according to my high-tech tracking gizmo) that if he or she would like to see boobies on Whyte Avenue, just go to Whyte Avenue! There are plenty of boobies that don't have to come to you through a wire on your computer screen; They can come to you in REAL LIFE!

And the Oilers won last night. Maaaan, you shoulda gone there last night... I'm sure there was plenty of "Edmontonflesh" on display.

Oh, and while I'm at it, alleeall searching for Funny Nicknames and coming to my site to look for one; Funny nicknames are not looked up on a computer. They are given specifically to specific people whom are suited to that particular funny nickname. You can't just go start calling your friend "Dutchess Fruity Pants" because somebody once had that nickname, and you think it's funny. No No. A funny nickname is earned, not thrown at someone like a beer bottle.

And while we're on the topic of specifics and earning things, you might notice I'm not shoveling a lot of improvisational advice at y'all lately. That's because I'm becoming more and more aware that you can't give the same improv advice to everyone... This is a highly-specialized world of performing and if everyone tryed to pull a Seering Meer, a Mad Crad, or a... Bevvy of Kevvy(?) out of their ass, you'd get one thing: A sore ass, from trying to pull something out of it that wasn't there.

Every single member of Rapid Fire Theatre is going to find their own voice, their own style, and you'll find what works for them is sooo not what works for someone else.

So... who wants to go to Whyte Avenue with me after the next Oilers game?

Song of the Day: "Black Night" (DJ Baba G & Dan the Automator Remix) by Badar Ali Kahn. How many old school samples can 2 DJs fit in one song? The answer is ALL OF THEM!
Building, Constructing...
Groove Modulation... Grr, grr, Groove Modulation!

Two Turntables, but no Microphone

I am now the proud owner of a "portable" RCA Victor Record Player.

It looks like a suitcase, but when you open it, two silver-thread covered speakers that look like coffins fold out, and a Garrard Turntable drops down. Just to give you an idea of it's age, this sucker has 4 speeds! (16(!), 33, 45, and 78 rpm). The only problem is this: It doesn't really play records fast enough. It's spinning just slow enough that David Bowie sounds a little more sad than usual... Now, I have 2 turntables that don't really work, but hey, a collection I have started.

My new addition came to me because I was helping an elderly woman move out of her west-end house. She is a Holocaust survivor. I was told she is a candy-maker (I don't know what the official title for a candy-maker is-- confecionist? Sugarmonger?). She says that she survived the concentration camps because of her talent to make candy with very little ingredients and means. That made her an effective member of society, and useful according to her.

Her husband passed away not too long ago. All his clothes could be fit into 3 very small boxes. I saved his hat.

Song of the Day: "Fame" by David Bowie. It's the song I used to demo the Victrola... For those who are more curious about the record player, it says all this throughout the piece:
New Vista All Transistor Stereo
RCA Victor Victrola Record Player
model# VS14, Made in Montreal, Canada
(Turntable: AT6 Garrard, Made in England)

Telefunny?

Where would modern man be without the telephone?

I mean, it sure cleared up that old-timey story device where a telegram would arrive "just in time". It seems to me far more likely that a phone call would, so hazzah to the telephone for helping stories (or hindering? discuss).

But boo to the phone for helping us lie.

Man, it's easy to be deceptive over the phone. Maybe the Jetsons had it right: Visaphones. Then, you'd have to sort of look at the other person and tell them the truth... Instead of something about a plan you've got with someone else, you could say:

"Yeah, well as you can see, I'm in my boxers, I'm eating out of a box of cereal, I'm watching Maury, and my hair is all askew. And that's just a little lazy for 7 pm. Yeah, I taped Maury. No, not Tivo'd, what do you think I am, a high-paid hooker? I can't afford no Tivo. Look at this place!"

Then, you could pan your visaphone camera around the room, showing the results of your bohemian lifestyle.

But right now? I can tell you I have a meeting with the president of the United States, and that I'm very busy counting my mountains of gold coins.

And you'd be none the wiser.

I am the Dungeonmaster... No, seriously.

Got some free time? Play this:

http://www.homestarrunner.com/dman3.html

I passed with a perfect score. And it's totally fun.

Need help? Let me know....

Oh, and I have to say, my exploration of Punk Culture has lead me to one point so far:

Strangely, the anti-establishment/ anti-capitalist message has become blatantly blurred. To join the non-conformist, you have to conform... to the non-conformist ways.

Whoa.

And for those who didn't go to the P-Jam, I think I'm going to rock out a new game in the coming weeks. We Called it: URBAN LEGENDS!! I think it was one of the most hilarious games I've ever seen.

Essentially, you ask the audience for an urban legend (a possibly true event that probably wasn't true, but is somewhat plausible, and that didn't happen to you; you heard if from a friend or the internet etc). Then, we perform it.

Sounds simple, and it is. We did "The Exploding Cactus", in which the legend is, a couple brought a cactus back from Arizona with them, and it was filled with spider-eggs, which then "exploded" all over the living room. Spiders everywhere.

The key to what made the scene so hilarious when it was performed was the element of surprise. Chad was pretending to be a child (the couple threw a party for their son in our version of the story) swinging a bat at a pinata, and of course, we were all waiting in anticipation for him to hit the cactus.

However, the cactus simply exploded on it's own, and holy mother, it made me giggle. Because we all knew what was going to happen, and then, something way more simple did... And Cactus-man, you're awesome. Why can't I remember your name?

Song of the Day "Too Drunk to F**k" by the Dead Kennedys. Thanks, Lindsay, for your lending of music.

UPDATE: "Read My Hips" finally makes sense...

Just a quick line to say, I read over "Read My Hips", and I think it finally makes sense. You see, I should explain, I make all of these posts just before my shift starts at work (or during work, if the mood catches me...shhhh....)

So occasionally, A story about the sin of pride becomes a brief rant about swinging balls.

Sigh...

So, I guess the moral of the story is, don't rush things. Unless you're rescuing people from a burning building.

Or making minute rice.

Or if you're in an eating contest.

Or if you really need to go to the bathroom.

Or if someone is about to get hit by a car, and you have to push them out of your way.

Or if someone is killing you, and you need to get away.

I'm sure there are more examples.

Anywhoo, on to today's real post, about Calgary and stuff:

The Calgary Flames, without the F.

Can't they do anything right?

Man, I was right all those years ago when I wrote a parody poem (I think in Grade 7) of " The Cremation of Sam McGee", which I called "Bill McCree".

Here is a small section (the only section I remember...)

"... Now Bill McCree was from Calgary
Where the Flames go to the playoffs and choke
Why he left his home
in the South to roam
Edmonton, easy! More dope to smoke.
He was wrong, he was told
But his house was already sold..."

And so on an so forth.

All Edmonton wanted to do was beat you, Calgary, in the second round of the playoffs. But you just couldn't step up to the plate, could you?

Song of the day: "Do You Know the Way to San Jose" by Burt Bacharach. Hehe.

Read My Hips

So, I was collecting money for the Level 2 workshop at the RFT space last night.

Just before I left, I said "Read My Blog!".

I then mentioned the plethora of hits I'd been getting (y'all know how I hate to brag).

And then I swung a mimed pair of gigantic testicles, clanking them together and doing a little dance on my way out of the room.

I don't get it (my sudden more-idiotic-than-usual behaviour)... Perhaps it was karma, making me pay for my deadly sin of pride.

But I can't blame karma for everything... can I?

Song of the Day: "Verbal Anime" by The Herbaliser. Because it makes about as much sense as I do... But hey, I'm having a freak-ass good time. Clanky-clank!

Tiptoe through The Two Lips and the Stage

I'm a little concerned that I'm amplifying a little. You know, making a big deal of nothing.

I've been thinking (too much) lately about misinterpretation, and things said (and did) that didn't mean the same thing to one as it did to the other, or even the original delivery of something onstage that turned out to (universally) mean something that it never intended to mean.

And hey, sometimes it can be hilarious. You can accidentally suggest something onstage that makes you look witty as hell.

But ho, sometimes it can be dangerous. You can accidentally suggest something onstage that makes you look racist, sexist, gay-bashing, and in poor taste.

I'm not going to cite any specifics here. But I can't help but think about it. It's like "broken glass in my head" (John Coffey said that in the Green Mile, and I felt that line big time).

So, for those of you following along, you'll notice that I still haven't found a way that I'm satisfied with to fix this thing I've got with onstage choices. But I'm working on it.

Here is a thing though, that I would like to offer the host of the show or the audience when any one of us says something inappropriate; The Ring of Shame. Let's use it in situations where something like that happens. For a fake example:

BERTOLD: Well, it looks like it's just you and me, loyal sheep. Here, let's huddle for warmth. (BERTOLD mime-cuddles sheep, he accidentally looks like perhaps he's caressing the sheep's bottom... audience laughs tentatively).

HOST: (aside, to note-taker, whispering) Dude, is Bertold gonna launch into a Sheep-shagging joke? That's not only dumb, that's inappropriate. Let's shame'em.

NOTE-TAKER: Agreed. Shame will be awarded upon conclusion of the scene.

I find we use the ring often in only really obvious situations, or only when it would be comical to do so. Let's start using it again for inappropriateness, shall we?

Because sometimes, the actors involved didn't know that they did anything wrong. Then, we can get that out in the open, instead of feeling bad about it afterwards.

We've got it, we introduce it at the top of the show, let's use it.

Song of the Day: "Attitude" By The Inbreds. These guys were the original rock duo (drums and guitar), and from Canada no less. Meh, but I really don't know if they're the original. I just know they predate Meg and Jack by about 10 years.