Would You like Fries With Your Olympic Hero?

So McDonald's is putting pictures of Canadian Olympic athletes on their placemats.

I walk back to my table, tray full of guilt, shame, and extreme satisfaction. On it: Cola, freedom fries, and a 1/4 of beef mushed between buns... oh, and an Olympian's smile.

My fries are fresh, so I spill them onto his face, because if I didn't want them to be way too hot. I'm more of a mayonnaise man, so I squirt 3 packets onto his neck. I have a bit of a short break, so I'm slopping a bit of ketchup out of my burger onto his forehead.

20 minutes later, I've cleared my tray. A grease-covered, salty mug with what appears to be a severe head wound beams at me.

So I'd like to apologize to Canadian athletes everywhere. The scene I described will repeat itself until you run/swim/fling yourself around in a circle/hurl yourself through the air using a stick... or all those other crazy things you do... just so you can get a chance to wear some metal around your neck.

Go Canada Go!